Why every weekday has earned itself a special name
As part of my constant, largely futile efforts toward better health and self-improvement, I have recently decided to only enjoy alcoholic beverages on the days of the week on which I have yet bestow a booze-inspired nickname.
Unfortunately, that’s all of them. Up first is “Must-have Monday.” The first day of the work week is inevitably a terrible one, what with the stupid alarm, the rousing of reluctant children and the general chaos of the morning routine. Work is inevitably challenging and the remaining four days stretch out like endless road of misery to which there is no foreseeable end.
The only solution: a soothing glass of wine.
“Tipsy Tuesday” has a nice ring to it and while Tuesday is mildly better than its aforementioned predecessor, it’s still a long way to the weekend.
A gin and tonic or two — it’s Tuesday, after all — helps take the edge off.
Hump day always feels like a milestone — and milestones call for what? Celebration, that’s what. Enter “Wet Wednesday,” when it is perfectly acceptable to have a beer or two on the deck or a nearby patio, especially now that we’ve made the jump from full-blown winter to scorching summer in the space of roughly 3.2 microseconds.
(Really, I don’t need a sweater? Or long johns?)
I mean, Thursday is basically the weekend, right? Why not get an early start with a couple of cocktails on “Thirsty Thursday,” just to make sure the prime is pumped? Or the pump is primed?
See, this is what happens by Thursday: the brain is just fried. Might as well help it along.
“Thank F it’s Friday” isn’t just a coffee mug (or beer stein) cliché, it’s a lifestyle. The end of a long work week should be celebrated and if that’s not inspiration enough, then I just think of all the errands that need doing, all the activities the kids need shuttle service to and from, all the yard work that isn’t going to do itself. Stupid spring.
There was a time when every Saturday was party night, but as middle age has advanced with its unique kind of menace, those days are long gone.
Or are they? What’s to say a man and his lovely can’t enjoy a cocktail or two before dinner, then settle down in front of the TV with a bottle of wine and movie ... only to be interrupted eight zillion times by our children, the needy dog, phone notifications and our perpetually empty glasses. “Sloshed Saturday” is the best Saturday.
“Sip Sunday” is for repose and relaxation, perhaps a book and a comfy chair and wee nip just to help the afternoon nap along. Plus, Monday is the day when I’m absolutely, positively going to make those lifestyle changes and cut back on the daily dose of liquid courage.
Call it “Mendacity Monday.”