Busting open the Man Box
Rachel Giese combines stories with studies to explore masculinity in modern times
Boys will be boys — which means what, exactly?
In previous generations, we defined masculinity in terms of physical aggression, fierce competitiveness, emotional stoicism and sexual dominance.
But today, as the definition of femininity continues to evolve and expand, there’s a concern that we’re still keeping boys inside the “Man Box” of artificial and harmful rules.
Toronto journalist Rachel Giese explores this territory in “Boys: What It Means to Become a Man.” It’s a popular topic, judging by recent Canadian titles “Why Young Men” by Jamil Jivani and “Mad Blood Stirring” by Daemon Fairless.
Giese, mother to an adopted Anishinaabe boy in his early teens, doesn’t preach and, best of all, doesn’t try to scare us.
She writes that being afraid for boys or afraid of them only pathologizes them.
Yes, some are violent, drop out of school, join gangs, wallow in their parents’ basements, get addicted to drugs or video games or porn, become depressed or suicidal.
But, she argues, that should motivate us to make systemic societal changes that nurture empathy and embrace vulnerability in all our boys. (Here she paints a sweetly touching image of her hockeyplaying son packing his teddy bear for away games.)
Boys is comprised of a very readable combination of studies and stories. The enlightening chapter on sports describes the correlation between women’s growing independence and male violence in sport.
As British suffragettes gained influence, males responded by retreating into rugby, with its brutality and crass traditions of crude drinking songs and mooning women.
In Giese’s illuminating chapter on sex ed, she praises the Calgary-based program WiseGuyz, with its boys-only classes. She points out that conversations about consent generally ignore that boys, too, experience sexual abuse.
What could Giese, a gay white woman in a same-sex marriage, know about masculinity, especially males of colour?
Quite a bit, actually. She’s certainly done her research into boys’ experiences with racism, with video gaming, with burgeoning gay or trans identities, with loneliness.
Her topics, however, are tightly curated. There’s so little mention of the influence of fathers or even siblings on shaping the young male identity that we’re left wondering if dads even matter.
And there’s nothing on the toxic “manosphere,” the informal online network that foments misogyny.
In the absence of the old stereotype of masculine entitlement, there’s a void that demands new role models, and right now, for many boys, those are nebulous. Still, Boys gives us hope that busting apart the Man Box will ultimately lead to fuller, more rewarding lives not just for boys but for all of us.