Listen with an open mind

Q. I was on Cloud 9 when I met my wife. She’s witty, charming, attractive, funny, loving and affectionate.

We had a dream life. Until her ex-best friend came into the picture.

This woman claims that my wife had unpaid debts which she insists that I settle, though stemming from long before we’d met. I refused, and told the woman that I wasn’t interested.

Then this “friend” dropped a bombshell on me, asserting that my wife had worked as an exotic dancer, which later progressed to her offering intimate companionship services as an escort.

I didn’t want to believe her but after some extensive sleuthing I learned it’s true.

Her ex-friend shared a sex tape that shows my wife engaging in intimacy with at least 10 men during a paid encounter.

I’m very angry and troubled by these upsetting revelations.

Please note that this letter is not a critical chastisement of sex trade workers. I sympathize with the plight of women who work in occupations that come with inherent risks.

I’ve not yet raised this with my wife and am unsure how to do so.

She was previously known by a different name, had lived in a different city, etc., none of which she shared with me. If she wanted a fresh start, I’d have appreciated if she’d disclosed this when we started dating.

I’m seriously considering speaking to a lawyer and even contemplating divorce. Please advise.

A. Some readers may doubt the authenticity of your letter, due to its almost Hollywood-like dramatic storyline.

However, I receive enough tales of far more outlandish situations that I will take this one at your word.

Two major red flags in this story: First, The informant is no ex-“friend,” but rather a nasty, jealous, conniving person.

If she persists, have a lawyer deal with her claims.

Second, you adored your wife and loved your life with her, yet you rush to consider divorce before talking to her about her past.

She deserves a hearing. Yes, you also deserved the truth, but if the facts are real and you truly “sympathize with the plight of women who work in (risky) occupations,” then listen with an open mind.

Hear her story. Take some time to decide — maybe with counselling help — if you can accept her past. If not, then part amicably, she hasn’t ruined your life and now has her own disappointments to handle.

Boy crazy and bigoted

Q. I’m not an adult. My best friend is boy crazy and desperate for a boyfriend. But she discriminates against any other race but Caucasian.

She gets annoying. I think her discrimination needs to stop. I tell her that any race of boys can be “cute,” but she doesn’t listen.

A. You’re both young but very different. You’re open-minded; she’s closed-minded, with racist attitudes. You’re a caring friend; she seeks attention from many.

Mostly, young people who hold prejudices against other races learn these from their parents and/or a community of bigoted adults. She may even be afraid of having a boyfriend who is “different.”

I predict you won’t tolerate her attitudes for long. Meanwhile, change the topic.

Will splitting woes

Feedback: Regarding leaving money in your will to be split by inheritors 50/ 50 (May 17):

Reader: “I think that no matter what a will stipulates, siblings or beneficiaries will always be unhappy with something.

“Even when the split is 50/50, there’s sibling conflict and hurt.

“My friend encountered this and was hurt when his parents left an equal will as he’d been their primary caregiver for 20 years.

“His siblings had refused to help. Yet, everyone received the same inheritance.

“He suspects his parents worried that there’d be greater conflict. Sadly, the conflict never went away.

“If you can give extra while alive, do that because no one can tell you how to spend your money. Once a will is involved, it gets ugly.”