Don’t be in a rush to choose

Q. My seven-year relationship ended earlier this year. I took five months off, then recently started dating again.

Since I’d been “out of practice,” I tried to meet as many men as possible and go on as many dates as possible.

Recently, I met four men within a very short period. I feel great connection with all of them.

All four have asked me out on a second, third, fourth date, and so on.

I like all of them, but I feel I don’t know any of them well enough to choose one person to focus on.

How long can I keep on dating all these men? At what point, do I need to make a decision?

A. So much choice! It’s flattering but can also be misleading.

Do not think it means you must start a serious relationship with one of them. It’s too soon, especially when you’re attracted to several different people.

Try these steps toward calm reflection: 1) Date each one a little less, and see who sticks around due to greater interest.

2) Check out whether that person would also interest you more than the others.

3) Stay home sometimes and also see friends socially, too.

4) Taking a breather between dates will allow you to think about the qualities each of the four has, and also to see whom you miss most.

5) Make a commitment to yourself not to feel pushed to anoint one of these four, or anyone else, as your new exclusive partner before you’re truly ready again for the ongoing work and inevitable compromises of a relationship.

Do what you need for protection

Q. Why does my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me three times, keep harassing me months later?

I’ve known him a long time, since we started college together, and know his family just as he knows mine.

He can be a hothead, especially when he’s been drinking, which is often.

I took him back after those other breakups, but then I met someone who treats me beautifully and with respect.

I’ve moved on and told my ex. That’s when the harassing went from emails and phone calls to dropping in unexpectedly and starting a fight.

I have no idea what he may do next. What can I do to protect myself ?

A. Since you’ve known his family a long time, you may consider alerting them to his harassment, if you believe their relationship is solid enough for them to be a positive influence on him. You also know him well, so do not take that step if you believe it’ll enrage him more.

Instead, talk to the police for information on how to handle a future incident.

They may suggest that you alert him right away that you’ll seek a restraining order if he harasses you again. Or they may have other suggestions. Even if you feel uncomfortable involving police, it’s good if they’re forewarned and know the details of his behaviour leading to the recent fight.

Do whatever’s needed to protect yourself.

Make the complaint

Q. I’m tired of blame-the-victim and ageist remarks from doctors and nurses.

Medical facilities have signs saying that verbal abuse or bad language won’t be tolerated.

I guess they mean “from patients.” The remarks I (and others) have encountered are damaging and destructive (verbal abuse) to a sick or injured person.

I’ve faced this four or five times in recent years. I’d considered making a complaint to a hospital and/or the College of Physicians and Surgeons, but didn’t while too busy coping with my health.

After waiting to make sure that pain isn’t affecting your judgment, you usually just let it go and don’t then pursue a complaint because you’re so thankful the bad time is over.

A. Make the complaint, both to the hospital and whatever professional body oversees doctors where you live.

Many jurisdictions also have patients’ rights organizations, which you can find online.