I’ve got the scoop on your personality

I was just staring vacantly at the floor of my office which is partially covered by, and I am not exaggerating, six gross of candy fruit snack packets.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Man, that is a lot of fruit snacks.”

Or you’re thinking, “Meh. I could eat that many fruit snacks in a minute.”

Or you’re thinking, “I have no idea what one gross is, or six gross. Just give me a number and stop making me think.”

Well, I did some quick math. I have 12 boxes of fruit snacks and each box has 72 packets. That’s 864 and a gross is a dozen dozen or 144. A little division in my head on a calculator and, boom, six gross.

Why do I have six gross of fruit snacks in my office, you ask? Well, I think you’re getting a little too personal here and I’m going to have to ask you to stop prying into my business.

Also, they’re not mine. They belong to my wife, who is taking them to a little community picnic thing next week.

That could be why I’m sensitive about it. Sure could go for a fruit snack. Are they really going to notice if they have 863 packets at the picnic instead of 864?

With snacks on the brain, I came across a recent article about everyone’s favourite summer treat — ice cream.

Since this is a news article, it didn’t simply probe basic questions like, “Do you like ice cream?” or “Ice cream is good, isn’t it?”

This article tackled ice cream in true journalistic fashion. It asked the question, “What does your favourite ice cream flavour reveal about your personality?”

Bet you never thought of that, did you? Well, you would make a terrible journalist.

It’s actually a very interesting topic that has been studied at length by someone named Dr. Alan Hirsch, founder of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation.

I know people who have lost their sense of smell and taste. In some ways, I consider them lucky.

But I can also sympathize. It happened to my brother-in-law. He loves cooking and baking but recently, he says he can’t taste a thing.

I have to say, I feel for people with this affliction. I don’t want to live in a world in which I can’t taste the finer things in life like Swiss Chalet dipping sauce, Juicy Fruit gum or Hickory Sticks.

Dr. Hirsch has studied the link between ice cream flavour preference and personality for a long time. He’s figured us out.

For example, if you like vanilla, you might think you’d be viewed as dull, bland, boring and probably the writer of a regular so-called humour column.

It turns out, vanilla lovers are not at all dull. They are quite the opposite of vanilla ice cream. They are impulsive, colourful risk takers.

Strawberry lovers, on the other hand, are introverted, thoughtful and logical.

How does Dr. Hirsch know this? He says the same part of the brain is responsible for food preference and personality traits. He’s done some research to link the two. I don’t know if this is all scientifically true but I’m on the clock to turn in a column so at this moment, the science seems pretty sound to me.

If you prefer chocolate, you might be flirtatious. If you’re a mint chocolate chip fan, you’re argumentative. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. OK, I don’t have time for this back and forth.

You can read more on Reader’s Digest online or do your own research. Hang out in ice cream shops and observe. Just a quick word of warning. Avoid anyone who orders Rocky Road.