Follow your passion, with permission
As a kid, you probably thought a few times about how awesome it will be when you are all grown up so you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
And, as a grown-up adult person, I can tell you this is all true.
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. As long as you get permission.
See, the thing with being an adult is, sometimes you think you want to do one thing — like watch 14 hours of football, and occasionally flipping over to golf, on a Sunday afternoon.
However, there are people in the world, other grown-up adults, who think differently. My wife, for example, thinks watching sports on TV is stupid.
She believes I would be a happier, better person if I used that time to clean out the garage so we can use it to store a car.
If all you want to do is watch some sports but you also have obligations around the house, you can work with this.
Try any of the following phrases to get yourself a pass for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour or more depending on how observant your spouse/foreman is.
“I have to get my drill from the basement.” “Do you hear water running?”
“I’m going inside to Google ‘garage cleanup,’ to make sure we’re doing this right.”
But what happens when the thing you want to do requires you to leave the house? This is much more difficult, even for a grown-up who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
Suppose you want to go out and play in a golf tournament with the guys on a Saturday. You know it’s going to be an all-day event and that you will come home smelling like bug spray, hotdogs and six-for-$24 beers.
Getting permission for such an outing can sometimes be a challenge. Sometimes it can be surprisingly, shockingly easy. Sometimes all you have to do is ask.
Like this: “Hey, uh, Honey. Did we have plans this Saturday? Just wondering because, well, I’d like to play in this golf tournament ...”
This is the grown-up approach. Put it out there for discussion. See if you get a “Have fun” or a calm, reasoned explanation of why golfing on Saturday is a bad idea. Pro: Golf is fun and relieves stress. Con: If you go golfing, you might need to start shopping for a one-bedroom apartment.
OK, so you aren’t ready to simply put your desires out there into the world. You’re not prepared to hear what the oneperson focus group you married has to say on the referendum question, “Are you in favour to me golfing?”
What do you do?
You could put the question out there, but throw your friends under the bus.
“The guys signed me up for this tournament. They really need a fourth. If I don’t go, they’ll all have to cancel. They’ve already paid.”
This tactic works about nine per cent of the time.
Here’s another option. Write it on the calendar, quietly. On Saturday morning, when you’re walking out the door in your moisture-wicking golf shirt and shorts and you get questioned, play dumb. “I thought we talked about this. It’s on the calendar.”
This works 14 per cent of the time. Here’s a more effective, but more difficult move. You do a superhuman amount of chores and good deeds all week. Build up goodwill by scraping out a litter box. Score points by vacuuming. Become an instant legend by tackling that long-neglected task like fixing a hissing toilet or a squeaking door.
Or, and this is an advanced move, not for beginners, you get in your time machine and start planning for Sunday before Saturday ever arrives. Go to the store, buy paint and make a plan to give the bedroom a fresh coat on Sunday. Then you say, “Yeah, I think I’ll paint on Sunday. I know you’ve wanted me to paint for a long time.”
With all the positive vibes, it’s a good time to say, “Since I’ll be painting all day Sunday, I thought I’d go to the golf tournament on Saturday. Is that OK?”
It’s OK — at least 51 per cent of the time.