I’m in love with a boy at school, but I’m scared

Q: I’m in love (I think) with a boy from my school. I don’t know if he feels the same way about me, and I don’t know how to act when I’m around him. We’ve only known each other for three months.

When I see him I get so nervous, but all I think about is talking to him and kissing him.

We often make eye contact, and when I smile, he just raises his brows and sometimes smiles back. He is kind of shy, but we’ve talked many times before, and he seems to be interested in the things I’m saying.

I don’t know if I should tell him about my feelings or just hope that he feels the same.

It’s difficult to figure him out, because he’s so quiet.

I’m just scared that he’ll laugh at me or think that I’m weird.

What if he doesn’t like me?

Is This What Love’s Like?

A: This is what a crush is like, when you’re old enough to feel the emotions but too young to have had experience in how to handle them.

And it’s very likely he’s at a similar level of inexperience.

Crushes are normal, but they’re different from love.

They’re intense — with roller-coaster feelings at times — because of the total infatuation, which is usually related to a person’s appearance or the way the other person talks, or walks, or exhibits some particular behaviour.

Yet if you tell him about your feelings, you could easily scare him away. Even if he likes you, it’s as a schoolmate so far, and one he only knows a little.

Revealing your strong feelings at this point could overwhelm him with awk- wardness, causing him to avoid you.

Instead, use the times when you’re able to talk to him to ask about his interests and tell him about yours — the music you listen to, the sports you play and watch, the books/TV shows/movies you like.

That’s plenty of material for finding out if you two really have much in common to become friends and maybe date … or if this is just a passing crush, and there will be others ahead.

Reader’s commentary regarding the 37-year-old mother of two who stayed late after a yoga class “to talk” (Oct. 9):

“As a retired teacher with more than 40 years’ experience as a math teacher and private guitar instructor, I have a very strong opinion: students are off limits.

“The power relationship of student-toteacher can be too easily abused. Even if at one level a student thinks they’re attracted to the teacher, this attraction is confused, based on the relationship which has been created for the transfer of knowledge.

“A teacher who is ‘kind and helpful’ with the intent of grooming a potential sexual partner is among the worst types of sexual predator.

“If he or she was so truly taken with a student that they felt they needed to pursue a relationship, the first step would have to be to stop teaching the student and then see what happens next.

“I believe that the instructor should be reported immediately to their superiors. The woman should not change yoga clubs. The predator should be outed and dealt with.

“It’s a clear violation of trust and breach of professional behaviour. If he’s the only instructor, he should be reported to the supervising or credentialing body — and in that case leaving his practice is obviously a sound choice.”

Ellie’s Tip of the Day

Crushes can be private feelings to enjoy personally but not to share unless there’s a clear, mutual connection.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.

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