Craving sugary treats that can’t cross borders

I feel 100 per cent certain that the first time I truly understood the concept of different countries, cultures and borders was when I saw a TV commercial for something called Cookie Crisp.

Cookie Crisp is a cereal. Well, Cookie Crisp is a box of tiny cookies that are sold as something that can be dumped in a bowl, covered in milk and eaten in the morning.

Here’s what I remember about Cookie Crisp. I’m not even going to Google this because I’m pretty sure I have it right. In the commercial, which I no doubt saw while watching Scooby Doo or Super Friends on a Saturday morning, some guy named Cookie Crook was trying to steal all the Cookie Crisp.

I wanted to be a Cookie Crook.

But when I told my mom I wanted Cookie Crisp cereal, we could not find it anywhere. It wasn’t at the Dominion. It wasn’t at IGA. It wasn’t even at Knob Hill Farms.

Nope. Cookie Crisp was strictly an American breakfast treat. We Canadian kids had very few options for sugary breakfasts. All we had was Sugar Crisp, Honey Comb, Fruit Loops, Cocoa Puffs, Trix, Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, Alpha-Bits, Frosted Flakes, Golden Grahams, Apple Jacks and Sugar Corn Pops.

Well, times have changed. You can have your Cookie Crisp, America, because Canadians now have a cereal we can proudly call our own — Timbits.

It’s true. If you find it too inconvenient to get your miniature doughnut treats the oldfashioned way — by rolling down your car window while someone hands them to you in boxes of 10 or 20 — you will soon be able to pick up miniature doughnut treats at your favourite grocery store.

And they’re only going to be available in Canada. So there. Ha! Go Canada!

Sure, Timbits cereal is only being sold here because no one anywhere else in the world would see Tim Hortons on a cereal box and think, “I should buy this product” but, hey, whatever. America can have its Cookie Crisp. We will proudly eat our little Timbits for breakfast. But before we gloat too much about our chocolate-glazed and birthday-cake flavoured Timbits cereal, there’s something else we should know, here in Canada.

There are new Oreos landing in stores in the new year — and we can’t have them.

Yep. Once again, the border is getting in the way of our ability to cram a bigger variety of sugary treats into our faces.

Caramel Coconut Oreos and Chocolate Marshmallow Oreos are available now . . . but only in the U.S.

They aren’t even being sold online, though I wouldn’t be surprised if some lowlife is trying to sell a package on eBay for $20, plus shipping.

I don’t know what Oreo is trying to prove. They won the cookie war long ago with their simple, classic wafer and icing sandwich. It’s perfect. Why do they need new Oreos?

And what business do caramel and coconut have hooking up for this new cookie? I don’t know. It sounds stupid and terrible and I really, really want them. Thanks Oreo.

In other miniature doughnut news, the folks at Krispy Kreme are attempting to appeal to people who love doughnuts but, after eating them, hate themselves. So, they’ve introduced miniature versions of their most popular Krispy Kreme flavours. That’s just great, Krispy Kreme. So now instead of feeling the crushing guilt of eating a half-dozen full-sized doughnuts, we’ll get to feel the crushing guilt of eating a twofour of miniature doughnuts.

According to the company, the mini doughnuts are intended for those who like a “little” treat.

“Too many people bail on their New Year’s resolutions before they are even halfway through January,” Krispy Kreme’s chief marketing officer says.

Well, if anyone can help us all stick to our resolutions, it’s Krispy Kreme!

I mean, who else is going to help us? I don’t see the vegetable people making fun-sized broccoli for us. No one is enticing me with Kale Krispies or Tofu-oreo cookies. There’s baby carrots, I guess.

No, I’ll take my health and wellness advice from the Krispy Kreme guy, thanks. Oh, but can I get those mini Krispy Kreme’s in Canada?