‘Why aren’t you coming to see me?’
COVID-19 in long-term care homes is tearing families apart
KITCHENER — During a FaceTime conversation this week, Andrea Cole heard her mom loud and clear: “Why aren’t you coming to see me?”
Cole, 46, said it breaks her heart that see can’t be in the same room with her 90-yearold mother and hold her hand.
“I said, ‘Mom, we can’t come in because there is a virus in the community,’ ” Cole said.
Hope Cole lives at the Forest Heights long-term care home in Kitchener, a seniors residence that has been ravaged by the coronavirus. To date, there are 116 positive cases among residents and 45 cases among staff. Eighteen people have died there.
Hope’s husband, Leslie, 89, died on Monday. He didn’t have COVID-19, but Hope tested positive for the virus two weeks ago.
She is asymptomatic and you wouldn’t know she has the virus. Despite suffering two strokes, Hope remains spry but has difficulty understanding why a global pandemic is turning her life upside down.
Andrea and her sister visited their mom from the ground floor on Thursday, waving to her from outside of the home. They wore masks so their mom was reminded of the virus.
For Andrea, the toughest part is not being to console her mom who lost her partner of 66 years this week. The pair shared a room at Forest Heights and they each had their own bed, but moved the beds together so they could be close to each other.
“My parents truthfully were in love with each other. They were joined at the hip,” said the Cambridge woman.
Her mom knows her husband is gone. She kissed him goodbye on Monday after he passed away at about 8 a.m.
Andrea Cole said a nurse at the home called her on Monday before her dad died and after.
“Your dad is dying and someone else has to hold his hand,” she said. “It’s a feeling of hopelessness.”
But Cole said she is grateful for the “absolutely amazing” staff at Forest Heights who have cared for her parents, held their hands when they were anxious and made sure the family was able to connect with them through FaceTime.
“The workers become your family,” Cole said.
Cole last went into the home on the day before Good Friday. She wore goggles, gloves, a mask and protective clothing.
“My face was sweating, my mask was itchy and my hands were sweating,” said Cole, who gives staff full credit for wearing personal protective equipment each day as they work.
Cole said she had a tough conversation with her dad who was in bed and not getting up. She said her last goodbyes.
“I let him know it’s OK to let go. If you are hanging on for the kids, we are adults and we are OK,” said Cole.
Cole said her dad got sick in February and never fully recovered.
They talked about funeral arrangements and then prayed.
Leslie’s funeral will be held Monday at Henry Walser Funeral Home via Zoom. Family members from Newfoundland and British Columbia will take part remotely while Andrea, her siblings and spouses will be at the funeral home.
Cole said her dad, a retired maintenance worker, and her mom, a retired post office employee, spent their retirement between Florida and Newfoundland, the province where they were born.
“They had a great life,” she said.