There actually is such a thing as a free meal

Psst … hey … want some free food?

Seriously. There is a lot of free food to be had out there — if you know the right people.

Here’s how it works — it’s simple but it’s not.

During this pandemic, we decided that grocery shopping was even less fun than it was before the pandemic and we did everything we could to avoid going to the store.

I still remember so vividly going to a grocery store and a Costco on a Thursday and by Monday, we were in total lockdown. It was a truly incredible act of preparedness that came about like this:

My Wife: We should go to the store. There’s a pandemic coming.

Me: Awww.

My Wife: C’mon. Let’s go. Me: Can’t we just stay in and watch Seinfeld reruns? My Wife: Come on.

Me: I really don’t feel like going out. I think we’ll be fine. It’s not like we’re going to be locked down in our house for months on end.

Fortunately, we went and it was one of the best decisions ever in my life. That trip bought us time to adjust to the new world.

The first time we needed supplies, my wife bravely went to the grocery store. After that, we grocery shopped online even though it meant sometimes ordering toothpaste and having it substituted with Speed Stick. It’s a pandemic. What can you do?

Another thing we did to keep eating without having to go out and buy food is to explore the world of meal delivery kits.

The way it works is, you order food and you pay way more than you would at the store but it comes right to your door, packaged up in pre-cut, premeasured portions. All you have to do is follow the instructions and eat it.

This was good for us, especially in lockdown. Typically we cook a big meal on Sunday then eat it all week. If I made burgers on the barbecue, I made 12 instead of two. If we made chili, we made enough to feed The Brady Bunch with enough left over for half the Partridge Family.

The meal kits really shook us out of our dinnertime routine. We went from eating the same thing (chicken breasts — it was almost always chicken breasts) day after day to a rotating gourmet menu. Tuesday we might have Greek Lemon Chicken with Herby Couscous. Wednesday, hey, how about some Red Lentil and Sweet Potato Curry? And Thursday? Tuna sandwiches? No! Thursday is now Farro and Halloumi Salad with Fig Dressing, Veggies and Toasted Almond Night.

I mean, we could probably figure out how to make this stuff on our own except that we don’t. Also, until it was delivered to our door, with instructions, we didn’t know what Farro or Halloumi was. Now I get Halloumi cravings.

The other thing with these meal kits is that their approach to marketing is to send codes for free meal kit boxes to existing customers so they’ll share with friends and get them hooked on Halloumi too.

It’s how we got into it. Now that we’re regulars, the meal kit people send us free codes every other week. We gave codes to our kids, our sisters and my mother. We gave codes to all our good friends.

But the codes keep coming and they can only be used once per household. I’m now giving codes to work friends. Not even close work friends. It’s awkward. “Hey, your name is Rob, right? Want a code for a free meal delivery kit? I’m not a salesperson and this shouldn’t be as weird as it feels.”

But it’s free food. I can’t just throw the codes away. Anyone who gets a code from me now must know where they are in my friends and acquaintances pecking order. I’m working my way through work acquaintances. Next, it will be people from my old work then it will be Facebook friends I didn’t even realize I was friends with.

And the codes keep coming. So that’s how you can get free food. Be friends with someone who gets a meal kit. You don’t even have to be a good friend.