Woman sees common bonds in story of Wonder
Those with facial differences hope film promotes acceptance
Facial difference or not, there’s no difference.
Amherstburg resident Kathy Hay, who has lived with a facial difference since birth, hopes the new movie Wonder will illustrate that people are more alike than different, regardless of appearance.
“People who don’t have facial differences and people who do have facial differences, we’re all one,” Hay said Thursday in her modest apartment, decorated in part with pictures from her life. “And that’s all I can hope for.” Wonder, based on the book of the same name by R.J. Palacio and starring Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson (see page C4), follows a boy with Treacher Collins syndrome who attends regular school for the first time.
Vancouver actor Jacob Tremblay, 11, plays the lead character, Auggie Pullman.
Hay will likely be able to relate to many of Auggie’s struggles, since she grew up with Klippel-Feil syndrome, a shortening of the neck that, in her case, includes asymmetrical facial features.
That said, she doesn’t remember being teased while growing up in the small town of Valleyfield, Que. People in her neighbourhood knew her from birth. But when she moved to Amherstburg at age 13 to start Grade 7, she encountered what the lead character of Wonder faces: good kids — and bad ones.
“I got to experience 100 per cent of what that little kid is going to show in the movie,” Hay said. “That’s why it’s going to be emotional for me.”
One time, as she was heading home from school with some girlfriends, a group of boys and girls waited on a path for her.
“They would tease me, mimic me, make fun of me,” she recalled. “They would call me, ‘Neck, neck, neck!’ Just like that.” She went home and cried. “That was the beginning of many years of definitely low self-esteem, feeling sorry for myself,” Hay said. “I wasn’t going to get involved in extracurricular activities. I wasn’t going to become socialized like the other kids. I became a bookworm — because I knew I was good at it.”
There was another time when a girl jumped in front of her and said, “You’re so pretty, you’re so pretty,” and then started mocking her.
Adding to her challenges, Hay suffered a brain aneurysm in 1984.
“I had to learn to walk and talk and eat and sleep and everything again,” she said. “It was difficult.”
She hasn’t been able to work full time through most of her life, though she’s held a number of jobs, including working as a typist for the RCMP. In fact, she’d still love to work, since she believes she has much to offer.
One thing she can offer is a unique perspective on bullying.
“To be very blunt, as soon as I walk out that door, my life changes, because of staring,” she said. “The nicest thing that I could ever experience in my whole life is to go one day without being stared at. People take it so for granted. I go into the grocery store and little kids stare at me.
“I’ve learned those tools, to smile at them and say hi. But depending on my day, I might take it to heart.”
Still, Hay keeps a positive outlook on life and feels she’s finally in a good place.
Hay feels blessed to have good health and friends — some of whom she’s known since her school years.
Plus, she said a group called AboutFace, for people with facial differences, helps her and others.
“You realize you’re not alone,” said Hay, who encourages other people with facial differences to get out and talk to people.
AboutFace’s Camp Trailblazers welcomes children with facial differences every summer. And since 2010, Hay has joined a Muskoka retreat for adults in her situation, which she said has boosted her self-esteem immensely.
“People with facial differences regularly deal with unwanted stares, questions and uncomfortable interactions,” AboutFace executive director Danielle Griffin said. “They can be teased and bullied at school, in the workplace or living their daily lives.
Griffin said Hollywood and the media often negatively portray people with facial differences.
“Negative stereotypes of people with facial differences as villainous, evil or scary are harmful, and leave the impression that people with facial differences are to be feared or bullied, simply because of the way they look,” Griffin said.
“With the release of Wonder, AboutFace is hopeful the movie will help generate a broader conversation on what it is like to live with a facial difference. It is our hope that the film will help build a more inclusive and accepting society.”
Meanwhile, Hay hopes Wonder will not only entertain, but also educate.
“It’s going to be an eye-opener,” she said. “You cannot take a person by face value. Once you start talking to them, it unravels a whole new spectrum.”
ABOUTFACE
According to AboutFace, more than 15,000 babies are born with facial differences in Canada every year. Even more will acquire facial differences through trauma or illness. About two million Canadians live with a facial difference — and more than 80 per cent of them will experience mental health issues. For more information, contact AboutFace, which promotes wellbeing of people with facial differences, at Aboutface.ca.