‘It takes time, love’
Transgender woman had support of wife, family but not all so lucky
Stefanie Pest officially celebrated her rebirth as a woman at 54 years old.
She legally changed her name and gender identity in 2016 on her actual birthday in July.
She now considers Stefan, the name given to her as a baby boy as “a dead name, it doesn’t exist anymore.”
Pest is a transgender woman unabashedly stepping into the spotlight to raise awareness about a segment of society that is often misunderstood, marginalized or worse.
“It’s hard for them to find jobs, they get kicked out by family,” Pest said. “Many trans women have to turn to prostitution to survive. They’re vulnerable to violence. I’m very, very lucky. I have a good job, a supportive family. I didn’t experience any of that and that’s why I want to be visible and speak out and make people aware we are humans. Regardless of gender we should be treated with respect.”
A new social agency to support the local community is holding this area’s first Transgender Day of Remembrance Monday to memorialize those who have been murdered and to draw attention to the continued violence against the transgender community.
“There’s still a lot of trans violence even in this community,” said Jayce Carver, the executive director of the newly incorporated Windsor-Essex Transgender and Allied Support agency.
The transgender community, its allies and members of the public are invited to the Emmanuel United Church at 1728 Lincoln Rd., for a 6 p.m. reception followed by a candlelight vigil, guest speakers and music.
Pest and her wife of 33 years, Michelle, will be there.
While the majority of marriages fail after one partner comes out as transgender, Stefanie and Michelle have survived.
“It takes communication, lots of communication,” Stefanie said. “It takes time and love.”
After their two boys were grown and off living their own lives, Stefanie started exploring the feelings she’d struggled with her entire life.
“All of my life, I just felt I wasn’t a boy,” she said.
“I have a younger sister and when I was alone I would get into her clothes. It was always a secret because back in the ’60s it was always frowned upon to express something other than what you are.”
About 10 years ago “my bell was rung. I was living as a man but I’m a woman. I started researching the things I was feeling.”
Michelle said, “I knew it wasn’t just cross dressing even before she did.”
The two would take out-of-town trips together so Stefanie could dress and act the way that truly fit her identity.
“I had my girlfriend and my husband with me,” Michelle said.
They told their children over the Victoria Day weekend in 2016 and Stefanie told her co-workers at Chrysler that same summer.
“One son said he knew by the way she crossed her legs. Both wondered why she lived in silent suffering for so long.
Most of her co-workers were supportive although she’s had to enlist the union’s help a few times.
“To be recognized for my identity is my human right,” she said.
Now 56 years old, Stefanie started to medically transition four years ago with hormone therapy.
“Hormone therapy changed everything,” she said. “That’s what my body was craving. ”
A lot of bottled up anxiety and stress gave way to inner peace and happiness — real happiness.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile as much,” Michelle said.
“Because she was battling so much of the time there were a lot of anger issues. When we would go on those cruises you could see her absolute euphoria.”
Even now, a casual greeting of “Hello, ladies,” leaves Stefanie beaming. “It never gets old,” she said. More information is available on the Windsor-Essex Transgender and Allied Support’s website at www.wetranssupport.ca.
There’s also a toll-free support hotline that operates from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. at 1-833-938-7267.