Hundreds of bereaved parents attend annual vigil

Candlelight event honours children who have died

Sonya Zaiden is struck with anxiety every time she opens the bedroom door to check on her sleeping children.

That fear and grief have nagged at her since her three-year-old son Adam died from Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome in 2015.

She was among hundreds of bereaved families and supporters who attended Windsor’s ninth annual candlelight vigil Sunday night in honour of children who have died.

“The grief is still there,” said Zaiden, 39, who has three other children. “We still go through times where your anxiety is high or concentration is low. All those things that you go through as you’re grieving, you still feel it along the way even though it’s years later.

“There’s not a day goes by that you don’t think about your child. I always say I have four children, not three. He may be gone but he’s still with me. I consider myself to be Adam’s parent just the same.”

The Canadian Mental Health Association hosted the event at the Fogolar Furlan Club in conjunction with the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting, an international event held on the second Sunday in December.

It is one of the largest mass candle lightings in the world, creating a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone.

The Windsor vigil is part of the CMHA’s bereavement program, which annually supports more than 600 children and adults coping with the loss of loved ones.

“We all grieve when we lose somebody,” said Colleen Campo, a bereavement specialist with the CMHA.

“To heal we must mourn. Mourning is that outward expression of our grief, and this is an opportunity for us to publicly mourn. Just like when you would go to the cemetery or have a funeral.”

The event began with a brief indoor service inside the Fogolar club, where people filled a “memory table” with photographs of lost family members.

After that, everyone filed outside for a candlelight vigil. Many quietly spoke the name of a lost child into a microphone as they walked down a path flanked by more candles.

“Even if it’s 10 years, 20 years ago, people love to hear their children’s name,” said Campo.

Zaiden, who attended the vigil for the second time, said the event helped her realize that her family wasn’t alone in their grief or their daily struggles.

“As a bereaved parent you feel very isolated,” she said.

“You don’t feel like people can understand or relate to you. It’s a difficult thing. It’s very heartening to see so many other parents who have gone through it come together in one night. Just the walk, the silence, the beauty of the candles is something to see and experience as a parent, because you feel you’re joined with a lot of people who have experienced the same thing.”