Mission saved my life, says man who lost it all
52-year-old who attempted suicide five times credits staff for helping him chart new course. Trevor Wilhelm shares his story.
As bad as things were before Bill Campbell tried to kill himself for the fifth time, the worst point in his life came after he woke up alone in the intensive care unit.
After a night out with friends watching a Windsor Spitfires game, Campbell drove to a parking lot in Oldcastle and overdosed on his depression medication.
He still can’t explain why he did it. He just knows that when he regained consciousness in the hospital, he was alone.
Campbell — whose lifelong struggle with depression also contributed to him being homeless for most of 2017 — said it was similar to the “empty” feeling he’s had his whole life.
“When I was on life support, nobody showed up to see me,” said Campbell, 52. “You don’t have anybody around. You wonder why you lost everybody.”
Desperate and lonely after being homeless for about eight months, Campbell walked into the Downtown Mission in September. He stayed there about a month, and believes they saved his life.
With their help, he found a parttime job. Two, actually. He delivers pizza and does customer service for a retail store.
He also found a place to live. It’s just a room in a house on Lesperance Road, but it’s his. He moved in Nov. 1.
Downtown Mission executive director Ron Dunn said Campbell was one of 13 people the mission helped find homes for in November. The organization, which relies on donations, helps people find housing by doing everything from monitoring Kijiji to setting up appointments.
“We’re proud of that,” said Dunn.
I went to a parking lot and I thought I had everything set. I took all my pills. They found me 18 hours later.
“It’s difficult to find housing in this market. It’s hard to find adequate, affordable, appropriate housing. The real estate boom of recent times has everyone excited, but it also raises the rents.”
Despite that success, Dunn said finding homes for those 13 people doesn’t even scratch the surface. He said the mission’s new building opened in April with 74 beds. In September it went up to 103 beds.
“We’re basically maxing out every night,” said Dunn, echoing the concerns of other shelters.
He said there are about 4,000 people on the waiting list to get geared-to-income housing and that number is growing.
“That’s years for some people to wait,” said Dunn.
Increasing rents are not the only problem. He said trauma, mental health and addiction — three major issues that have hit “epidemic proportions” in the Windsor area — are feeding the growing homelessness problem.
Those issues flare up at this time of year, he said, something the mission sees through its distress call-in centre.
“The calls go up around the holidays,” said Dunn. “People are without loved ones or feeling poorly about the situation they’re in. It makes them think about their finances. People don’t want to be alone. We encourage people to come in and make new friends or see old ones. Get out of the cold.”
He said the mission also helps people deal with health problems, coping mechanisms and any trauma that might be causing their issues.
Campbell said that help and understanding changed his life.
“They gave me support and encouragement, like don’t worry about it, you’re going to find another place, you’re going to find a job,” said Campbell. “Something to keep going back and back to. It’s kind of like a family. The staff is family to me.”
But even as things seem to be turning around, Campbell is still haunted by the ghost of what depression has already done to him. Still not able to express why he tried to kill himself, he’s worried something will happen to turn a switch and make him do it again.
“Scary,” he said. “You’re not sure if it’s all going to fall out on you.”
To stay grounded, he pores over his therapy workbooks. He’s still on medication, with stronger doses.
The last time he tried to kill himself, in that Oldcastle parking lot, was two years ago. He overdosed on Tylenol 3 along with the depression medications trazadone and Cipralex.
“I remember I was with some friends,” said Campbell. “I was at a hockey game. Next thing you know, that’s it, my life is over. I went to a parking lot and I thought I had everything set. I took all my pills. They found me 18 hours later.”
The worries had been piling up, a lot of things that Campbell now realizes likely stemmed from depression.
“I was married for 18 years, I had a business for 14 years,” said Campbell. “During my depression I lost everything.” His marriage fell apart in 2005. “Everybody left,” said Campbell. “My wife, my sisters, my brothers, my friends, my family, everybody left.”
He ended up homeless, something else he has a hard time explaining, because of foggy patches in his memory.
“I don’t know,” said Campbell. “I don’t remember any eviction notice or anything. I think I just got up and left.”
He was homeless about eight months, crashing on couches when he could and sleeping in his van by the river at the foot of Parent Avenue. He’s on the Ontario Disability Support Program, which was enough to cover the payments on his Chevrolet Uplander.
He said applying for ODSP, when he received his medical records, was how he discovered that no one came to see him when he was on life support in the hospital.
“No one’s returning calls,” said Campbell. “It hurts every day. One of the biggest things with my past friendships and family is suicide is frowned on.
“You attempt suicide, you’re on your own.
“I want all my family and all my friends back in my life. In the new year my psychiatrist wants to sit down with me and try to figure out if we can try to establish some communication with my old friends and my family, and see where we’re at.”
But if they’re not interested, he hopes to keep moving forward.
“There are some bad stories,” said Campbell. “I just want to thank the people that helped and supported me. I’m trying to be one of your success stories.”