Helicopter parents not helping kids succeed
Helicopter parents aren’t doing their children any favours. “You don’t have to do everything for your kids,” said Chris Reid, a Windsor social worker of 40 years who spoke Saturday at a free parenting conference at F.J. Brennan Catholic High School. Sometimes parents are too quick to give advice or solve a problem for their children instead of building resiliency skills such as letting them figure out a solution, Reid said. A good example is when children complain they are bored. The expectation is that the parent is supposed to fill the child’s life with activities. Instead of making a list of suggestions, tell children they will have to figure something out, he said. Helicopter parents are too involved in their children’s lives and then there’s over parenting where children have so many activities they don’t have any unstructured time. Add the impact of cellphones and social media and you can end up with anxious children, Reid said.
“What I was struck by when I came to the university is young adults who didn’t seem to have well developed resiliency, that there was high levels of anxiety at basic life things that you would expect young adults to be able to handle.”
Reid, who talked about building resilience in children through caring relationships, high expectations and opportunity for meaningful participation, was one of about 10 speakers Saturday at the Parenting Matters Conference. The event was sponsored mainly by the WindsorEssex Community Foundation, the St. Clair College Alumni Association and Fantastic Fathers.
About 70 people attended the free conference put on by the Dad’s Matter Steering Committee Windsor Essex County.
The committee was formed in 2013 and includes fathers, representatives from 10 community organizations, two school boards and the City of Windsor. Dad’s Matter wants to celebrate the important role of a father in a child’s life, helping fathers feel confident and making sure children grow up with a father figure.
Steve Brown, a committee member, started a community group for dads called Fantastic Fathers two years ago. Brown who has a fouryear-old daughter, said there were groups for moms but nothing for dads. Fantastic Fathers has cooking classes, they teach dads to braid hair and hold family events such as the Family Father’s Day Charity Event June 16 at St. Clair College. Fantastic Fathers has about 2,000 online members.
When Brown became a father he noticed he turned to a mom for advice instead of asking one of his friends who is a great dad. The old stereotype of moms raising the children while dads work and aren’t as involved isn’t true, Brown said. “Dads want to be a part of raising the kids just as much as the moms.”