Walking away from therapy takes a plan

If you’ve thought about going through psychotherapy, there are a number of websites that can help you choose the best approach and most appropriate therapist.

There’s much less information, however, to help you when it comes to ending therapy. This is a serious oversight, not least because you and your therapist will need time to sum up all that you’ve learned, and discuss how you can put your new knowledge to best use.

According to Ryan Howe, a psychotherapist writing in Psychology Today, saying goodbye to your therapist should constitute a substantial amount of your time together — between 10 and 25 per cent of the total therapy time.

Following are some guidelines to help you end therapy in the best possible way:

First, choose your therapist

■ with care. Ending any relationship is difficult, but clients in a therapeutic relationship are particularly sensitive to feelings of rejection and abandonment, worrying how they’ll cope when they no longer have regular access to their therapist. Daniel Hynan at Northern Illinois University asked clients at a university counselling centre about their therapeutic experience. Those who felt their therapist was warm and respectful, and who seemed competent and self-assured, were able to finish therapy feeling better and more competent themselves. Take time to find a therapist you feel possesses these qualities. Discuss the ending at the

■ beginning. Along with talking about your reasons for starting therapy and clarifying what you hope to gain, ask your therapist early on how you’ll both know when it’s time to stop meeting. It’s a bad sign if they can’t tell you.

Work with your therapist to

■ help you build support outside therapy. A good therapist won’t reinforce your need for their time. If they don’t offer first, ask them to help you find ways to build a network of trusted individuals outside the clinic. It’s vital to know there will be people you can always talk to and trust.

Expect some surprising feelings

■ to surface. Research by Marit Rabu and colleagues at the University of Oslo shows that during the ending phase of therapy, clients are likely to experience feelings such as ambivalence, fear and anger. Other research suggests initial symptoms are likely to resurface. It’s important to talk these through with your therapist, so you can see them for what they are — not signs of relapse, but a normal part of moving on with your life. Discussing these feelings may also help you understand what happened when you ended previous relationships and help you consider how you might react differently in the future. Plan for a final session. This

■ allows you some time to consolidate what you’ve learned, and it marks the end of an important collaboration.