I’LL NEVER HANG UP MY ITSY BITSY
Wearing a bikini instead of a one-piece is not an issue for some women over 50
The weather is (still) sweltering, and it is the time of year when middle-aged women consider their beach wardrobes. The question is not so much jewelled sandals or Havaianas, but that eternal quandary: bikini or onepiece?
Are you the type of woman who, in pursuit of beach respectability and a nod to increasingly flabbier flesh, purchases a selection of sensible swimsuits? Or do you say “heck, no” and grab an armful of Day- Glo bikinis?
I am firmly in the second camp — and I have no intention of ever hanging up my itsy bitsy. Since I first purchased a brightly patterned two-piece at the age of 16 on holiday in Italy, I have always opted for the flimsy 1970s style. What I find bewildering is society’s unspoken rule that dictates that 30 is the absolute cut-off point for wearing one.
It is not that I am stuck in sex appeal denial. I am aware that my days of looking flawless in a bikini are well and truly over: at 54, like most women, my body has changed, with middle aged spread and saggy bottom syndrome being just two of the hardto-tackle areas.
But that doesn’t mean I have to shrink into the hinterland of the swimwear section. If you want to rule the beach, you need to own your wobbly bits.
I am not hankering after Elizabeth Hurley-style physical perfection (who has the time or, frankly, the inclination?) and I have no intention of uploading a body shot to Instagram.
No, my bikini love affair is less about narcissism, and more about attitude: It is liberating, makes me feel sexy and fun, and says I am confident enough to flash flesh, whether I’m 25 or 55. Yet for some reason, some women have a fraught attitude to their bodies, especially on holiday, where our collective cellulite anxiety usually manifests in a series of ill-fated sarong purchases to cover up any sight of dimpled flesh.
Our European friends feel somewhat differently. Go to any Mediterranean beach and you will see all generations of women: grannies happily walking along the shore, overweight aunties tucking into plates of picnic grub and groups of young women chatting in the sea — all wearing an array of bikinis, unabashed about their bodies.
So how do we know where to stop on the bare-o-meter? Playing it safe with the highwaisted two-piece is aging, in my opinion: the big bikini pants may cover up the stomach, but they do not deny its existence. And all that Lycra is not only insufferably hot, but highlights the wearer’s lack of body confidence. Better to embrace the one-piece and be done with it. With that in mind, there are a few simple rules that I swear by, the first of which is to always keep the style simple. No ruffles, sequins or flouncy skirt things — they just look fussy and overdone.
And make sure you pick the right size. Last year, deluded that I was still a size small, I ended up with a pair of bikini bottoms that dug into my flesh.
Your poolside look can also be easily upgraded with accessories: a pair of oversized sunglasses, stylish wedges and lots of splashes of bright colour are a must. But when it comes down to it, wearing a bikini over 50 is about freedom. The freedom to be who you want, and wear what you want, whatever your age. Now where’s my gold lamé string number?