Coping with baby envy
Prepare kids for birth of new sibling
Finding out I was pregnant with my second baby would have been as exciting as with the first but for one thing overshadowing the joy: How would I tell my daughter that she wasn’t going to be the only child in our life from now on?
I don’t think I am alone in worrying how a first child is going to feel about getting a baby brother or sister. I teach childbirth classes, and my students who are expecting a second child often ask how they can soften the blow. “Different families will take different approaches, and that’s fine,” says Rebecca Schiller, author of Your No Guilt Pregnancy Plan, doula and chief executive of childbirth charity Birthrights. “You know your child best. However you prepare them, the reality is bound to be difficult at times as they learn to share your time, love, lap, toys and bedrooms — but it’s OK if your child finds it hard to adjust, and you haven’t failed them if they do.” Schiller says you should talk to your child about becoming a sibling in an “age-appropriate way” and be honest about the difficult aspects of their new role. She suggests getting them to help you make a scrapbook about their birth and baby years, and asking them to be part of your planning for the months ahead. Following are some suggestions from other parents.
BOOKS AND TV SHOWS
Some parents found it helpful to share books about becoming a sibling with their older kids in the weeks leading up to the birth. Some books focus on the physical aspects of the baby growing in their mother’s body and how it comes out (It’s Not the Stork! by Robie H. Harris), while others deal with what life is likely to be like once the baby arrives. We read Sophie and the New Baby, by Laurence Anholt, with our eldest daughter when I was pregnant with her sister. Other options include Giles Andreae’s There’s a House Inside My Mommy and Lauren Child’s The New Small Person. Other parents said it was helpful that some of their child’s favourite television shows have episodes that focus on introducing new baby siblings, including Blue’s Clues, Sesame Street and Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.
MAKE THEM YOUR OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER
Depending on how old the child is, they may enjoy having a camera and being given the task of documenting the arrival of the baby. There are plenty of childfriendly cameras on the market that are sturdy enough not to break if dropped, or just let them use the camera on your phone.
COME BEARING GIFTS
Many parents suggest getting a present for the baby to give the older child. We had a toy ready at the hospital when my daughter arrived to meet her younger sister. Also remember that your child might feel left out when visitors come bearing gifts for the baby — but nothing for the newly minted older sibling. Ask people to bring a small gift for your older child as well or instead.
MAKE TRANSITIONS AHEAD OF TIME (OR WELL AFTER)
Even if you don’t plan to put your new baby straight into the crib, consider moving your older child into a bed (if they are ready) a few weeks before the baby comes home. That will help prevent the child from associating the move with the new baby’s arrival, and feeling like they are being pushed out. If you are thinking about toilet training, either start a good while before your due date or leave it until later.