RECOVERING FROM LOSS
Light the Way fundraising begins
The doctor didn’t have to tell Chantelle Meadows what was happening as she writhed in pain on an emergency room bed — she’d already had one miscarriage. Meadows was the first to pin a star on a symbolic Christmas tree honouring loved ones Tuesday during a fundraising launch for the Canadian Mental Health Association at Devonshire Mall.
She knows as well as anyone what it’s like to suffer through feelings of loss and sadness around the holidays. Her first miscarriage was on Christmas Day 2015. Her second miscarriage — it was late term at 18 weeks — happened in January.
“The doctor came in the room, examined me and said, ‘You know what’s happening here,’ ” said Meadows, 38. “When you’re pregnant and you’re in the hospital and you’re having contractions every five minutes, he didn’t have to tell me I was having a miscarriage or that my baby had died. Him saying, ‘You know what’s happening here’ told me what I was scared to hear.” It’s no accident the CMHA launched its fourth annual Light the Way campaign — to support the Client Assistance Fund and the Bereavement Program — before the Christmas season.
“We know that the holidays can be difficult for anyone, but especially if you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one,” said Kim Willis, director of communications and mental-health promotion. “It can be painful and difficult, so we definitely see a lot of demand for our services at this time of year. “But having said that, the bereavement program is quite busy year-round. It serves hundreds of people in this community on an annual basis, and it’s offered free of charge.”
The campaign goal is $25,000. Along with corporate sponsors, and mail and social media campaigns, the CMHA will have a display at Devonshire Mall until Dec. 8. The display features five trees. People will be able to buy a paper ornament for a $2 donation, write the name of a loved one on it and hang it on a tree.
Four of the trees are green. The fifth one is white. It is meant to symbolize that one in five people suffers with mental-health or addiction issues.
“Today they gave me the first star to put up on the tree,” said Meadows, who also has a three-year-old daughter.
“That was quite emotional because I shouldn’t be doing that. I should be celebrating our first Christmas together with the new baby. It’s tough.”
They didn’t have a name picked out. Meadows said she and her husband were waiting to confirm the gender. The miscarriage happened a week before that appointment. “We didn’t know yet, so we hadn’t picked out a name,” said Meadows. “We just call her Baby Girl Meadows.”
While she still struggles, Meadows said she’s “blessed” that she found the strength to talk about her loss after help from CMHA. “They really helped me deal with the loss, and also helped my three-year-old daughter deal with the loss as well as my family,” said Meadows.
The mental health association also connected her to other women with similar experiences. Together, said Meadows, they are stronger.
“I can speak out and share my experience so that other mothers might also share their experiences,” she said. “We need to have that conversation so people know about the services that are out there. Miscarriage is kind of like the silent thing. People don’t want to talk about it.”
Some people don’t want to talk about it. Others don’t know what to say.
“When I had my loss, people didn’t know what to say,” said Meadows. “People tend to swim for words and then they say things that sometimes can be hurtful or hard to handle. Saying ‘I’m so sorry’ is enough.”
He didn’t have to tell me I was having a miscarriage or that my baby had died.
CHANTELLE MEADOWS