IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR PHONE?

Rather than asking what the right age might be to be given a cellphone, the question could be “What independence milestones has my child achieved?” Here’s how to evaluate that.

1 DO YOU HAVE TIME FOR MENTORING?

If you’re already in power struggles over gaming or other digital pursuits, get to a better place first. Start planning with your child a few months in advance, and make getting the phone contingent upon key milestones. Set a date — Smartphone Day — with your child to formally hand over the device so you’ll both be able to focus on this transition. Establish ground rules. Discuss how to mindfully add contacts and apps. Who’ll be on the approved list for texting? Peers, family members, extended family? And set expectations about access.

2 CAN THEY FOCUS IN THE FACE OF DISTRACTION?

A student who can assemble everything needed to do homework, and complete assignments independently, may still need some rules about homework and phones. Adults in the family should model how they avoid distractions, by not, for example, texting while watching TV.

3 DOES YOUR CHILD EXHIBIT GOOD JUDGMENT?

A kid who walks home from school or goes to the store on their own may be more ready for a phone than one who doesn’t. Consider how well your child keeps track of their belongings.

4 HOW DOES YOUR CHILD MANAGE SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS?

Kids who are hungry for peer approval will need attention. Can your child walk away from a kid who is being mean, or do they get sucked into conflicts or dares? Look for signs of empathy: does your child understand the effect of their words, and do they apologize when they hurt someone’s feelings? If they tend to go nuclear in conflicts, work on that first. Then have your child practise impulse control before responding — and ensure they know when to talk in person instead.

5 DOES YOUR CHILD KNOW WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP?

Whether you plan to read your kid’s texts (do tell them), be sure your child knows what situations require adult intervention. If they’ve shown good judgment about telling an adult about a peer issue, reinforce that they made a great choice. They need to know they can come to you even if they have broken the rules or made a mistake.