It’s a tough sell
Ex-wrestler Bautista bumbles through unfunny, kid-centred family movie
There comes a point in every tough guy’s movie career when he decides it’s time to settle down and look after some adorable urchins.
It’s usually neither a pretty sight nor a wise move. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop, John Cena in Playing with Fire, or Vin Diesel in The Pacifier, which I would have called a career low until he went and made Bloodshot.
Now it’s Dave Bautista’s turn. You might have thought he’d learned his lesson after bungling things in last year’s comedy Stuber, but he’s back in My Spy as a CIA operative on a stakeout in Chicago.
Well, it’s supposed to be Chicago. You’d be amazed what you can do with some establishing shots and Illinois plates in a made-in-toronto movie. Switch those plates and you’re in Berlin. Digitally add the Eiffel Tower
behind the St. Lawrence Market et voila! Paris!
Bautista plays JJ, pulled out of more exciting work in Ukraine after blowing his cover during a botched sale of weapons-grade nuclear material. His new assignment involves watching Kate (Parisa Fitz-henley), a single mom who may be connected with the arms deal.
Kate has an adorable nineyear-old daughter named Sophie (Chloe Coleman), who quickly makes some demands: (a) lessons in spycraft, à la Nikita; and (b) that he starts dating her mom, à la every-cute-kid-with-asingle-mom movie ever.
Tagging along for the ride is Kristen Schaal as JJ’S partner in the field, because one of the rules of the genre is the inclusion of a goofy, apparently useless spy who later saves the day.
Director Peter Segal (50
First Dates, Get Smart, Grudge Match), working from a script by brothers Jon and Erich Hoeber (Red, Battleship, The Meg), packs this one with more references to other movies than this sentence. Most egregious is a blatant copy of the fight in front of a burning plane from Raiders of the Lost Ark; and no, having a character call it in the movie doesn’t absolve you.
Otherwise, it’s essentially a montage of Bautista looking awkward and bumping into things, while Coleman rolls her eyes.
I don’t know any nine-year-old girls or inept CIA operatives (at least, I’m pretty sure I don’t; that guy in the sports department looks a little shifty) but perhaps My Spy may find an audience among such niche groups. For the rest of us, it’s a reminder than Bautista remains at his best being deadpan-funny in the Marvel movies, or not being funny at all.