SUMMER OF THE STAYCATION.

Now is the time to listen to the reassuring whisper of the pro-staycationer; understand the world will not end if you don’t get to swim in or sip a glass of rosé by the ocean. There are upsides to a holiday closer to home. To wit:

1 NO AIRPORTS

To state the obvious: If you could expect an hour to get through security BC (Before Corona), then AC you’re talking, what, five hours? Seven? It is true that duty-free shopping in “dwell time” was heaven. That strip-lit limbo when you shopped like Elizabeth Taylor on Valium, buying rhinestone-encrusted cats-eye sunglasses, bobble-trimmed beach wraps, insanely expensive eyelid sunscreen — such fun. But not this year.

2 NO PACKING STRESS

Consider the challenge of the carry-on, which must include all the things you will definitely need, all the things you would just like and … urgh … already too many things. Whereas, for a staycation, you can take all of it! Fill the car to the roof with your special neck pillow, sunhats the size of satellite dishes and the sort of cocktail ingredients they only have in 12 bars in the world. I mean, no contest.

3 NO SIGHTSEEING

Desperate to see the Pierro della Francesca frescoes, Cathar castles, etc.? Really? In 30 degrees, when it’s two hours there and back, and … 30 degrees? Meanwhile, closer to home, there’s nothing to see that you haven’t already seen. Makes life simpler.

4 NO CROWDS

Obviously, Summer 2020 is likely to be the biggest staycation year since records began. But there’s still the weather. No doubt all the people who planned to be on a beach will in fact be on the sofa or lining up in town for ice cream. Which means Staycation 2020 — much less crowded than where you’d want to go.

5 NO EXTRA EXPENDITURES

No $20 G&T at the waterfront bar (backyard G&T, about $3). No $40 beach club entry ticket or $25 to see the garden of the house where that great artist lived.