Love Is Priceless
Ancient tradition of the engagement gift is modern topic of discussion By Lu Yan
In China, when parents sit down to discuss the marriage of their children to one another, one topic that’s hard to avoid is caili. Literally translated as “colorful gifts,” and known in English as the betrothal gift, bride price or bride token, caili refers to the monetary or material compensation given by the future groom or his family to the bride or her family.
With a long history in China, the betrothal gift is a symbol of respect and gratitude for allowing the marriage to take place, as well as one of goodwill between the two families.
However, in some cases, the tradition has become a heavy burden for the groom and his family, causing disputes between in-laws-to-be or damage to marriage bonds. This phenomenon still draws public attention and also efforts from the government and the society to resolve related issues.
History and evolutions
The concept of the bride price can be traced back to ancient China. An early form of caili was recorded in the Book of Rites ( Liji), a collection of
texts likely compiled over 2,000 years ago that describes the social norms, administration and ceremonial rites of the time. In ancient times, it was a standardized marriage procedure. If not followed, the marital union would not be recognized.
During the early 1900s, the custom of the bride price and the dowry even had legal validity. In contrast to the bride price, dowry refers to the goods, money or property that a bride brings to her husband’s family at the time of marriage. There is a historical reason for the emergence of the bride price as a form of etiquette and decisive condition for the marriage contract, said Jin Xiaoyi, a professor of sociology at the Institute for Population and Development Studies at Xi’an Jiaotong University in Xi’an, Shaanxi Province, who has focused on the research of caili for many years.
According to her, in agrarian societies, when a woman got married and moved to live with the groom’s family, it meant that a productive force (labor) was transferred from the bride’s family to the groom’s family. “Thus the groom’s family providing caili was an economic compensation to the bride’s family,” she told Beijing Review.
After the founding of the People’s Republic of China in 1949, the legal status of the bride price no longer existed, as the new marriage law prohibited both the buying and selling of people through marriage and the solicitation of property through marriage. But the tradition has continued to evolve over the decades.
In addition to money, jewelry, food and daily necessities, the ancient caili also included tea, especially in the Song Dynasty (960-1279), when the tea culture thrived. The content of caili also demonstrates the development of the society after the
People’s Republic of China was founded. For example, in the 1950s, the necessities for getting married and starting a new family were known as the Four Essentials: a bed, a basin, a chamber pot and a kettle. In the 1960s, to get married, one needed to have the Thirty-Six Legs, which included a wardrobe, a food cabinet, a cupboard, a table, four chairs and a bed. In the 1970s, a watch, a bicycle, a sewing machine and a radio became important criteria for most women when choosing a spouse. In the 1980s, the new Four Big Items—a refrigerator, a television, a washing machine and a cassette player—became popular must-have items for marriage. These caili items mostly benefited the newlywed couple, guaranteeing quality of life for the new family.
It was not until the 1990s that there was a fundamental change in the form of the caili, and money began to change hands. Another turning point came in the late 1990s when the amount of caili money being paid began to rise and it began to significantly surpass the dowry. “As we entered the 21st century, especially in the past decade, the value and cost of money needed for caili in some regions have soared to unprecedented and burdensome levels, attracting increasing public attention,” Jin said.
Changing dynamics
Nowadays, the term caili is often discussed in relation to its high cost and the trouble it causes, especially in rural areas, which are less developed and where marriage customs are relatively traditional.
The New Urbanization and Sustainable Development research group
nd from Xi’an Jiaotong University conducted a sample survey on caili and other marriage-related issues in November and December 2023. Of the 6,894 people surveyed, the average age was 28.59, 53.13 percent were male and 41.51 percent were unmarried. The survey showed that the cost of bride price, the purchase of marital houses and other marriage-related expenses for the groom are related to the traditional virilocal marriage system, per-capita income and the sex ratio for the marriageable population within a region.
In north Shaanxi, the marriage expenses and the ratio of men to women are higher than in the central and southern parts of the province. Rural men from north Shaanxi who have better financial means marry earlier to avoid missing out on their preferred match. In comparison, men from the rural areas in south Shaanxi marry the latest.
The average expenses for men on marital houses and caili in Shaanxi were 345,900 yuan ($48,407) and 131,600 yuan ($18,416), respectively. On the other hand, women spend much less on marital houses and dowries—106,300 yuan ($14,870) and 61,700 yuan ($8,630), respectively. The economic pressure of caili and wedding houses is the main factor that hinders men from getting married. For reference, in the first half of 2023, the per-capita disposable income of residents in Shaanxi was 15,902 yuan ($2,225), according to official data.
Additionally, 80 percent of the surveyed married men had borrowed money to get married.
Although the amount and details may differ between regions, the Shaanxi survey to some extent shows the situation facing engaged couples and their
Marriage should be built on mutual appreciation and recognition between two individuals
families nationwide. More young people are being discouraged from marriage due to exorbitant caili costs.
“The high cost of caili not only contributes to an increase in late marriage among individuals aged 30 and above, but also has become the primary reason for rural men’s difficulty in getting married,” Jin said, adding those men that cannot afford to pay the bride price and wedding cost have to remain single, suffering mental pressure and social exclusion.
Also, money borrowed to cover the expenses leads to financial burdens after marriage, which often results in strained family relationships and a decline in marital harmony.
To address the issue of hefty bride prices in China, the government has taken multiple measures and initiatives. Released in February 2023, the No.1 Central Document, an important indicator of the central authorities’ policy priorities in rural work for the 12 months ahead, emphasized that addressing the high bride price problem is one of the key tasks of the government to promote rural progress.
In December last year, the Supreme People’s Court, China’s top court, released a draft judicial interpretation concerning bride prices to solicit public opinion. The interpretation prohibits coercing or pressuring the groom’s family to provide excessive caili.
Governments in some provinces, including Jiangxi, Henan and Zhejiang, have also issued guidance suggesting reasonable bride prices can help cultivate healthy marriage customs, said Wang Jinhua, an official from the Ministry of Civil Affairs. He also said the average bride price has been reduced in some areas, and reforms of marriage customs have also been launched nationwide to limit betrothal gifts, as well as to scale down wedding banquets.
Moreover, many couples now are exploring new wedding styles and saying no to bride prices and dowries. “Marriage should be built on mutual appreciation and recognition between two individuals. If a marriage is based on the exchange of money, I don’t want it,” Wang Yuanzhi, a 27-yearold office clerk in Dalian, Liaoning Province, who recently got engaged, told Beijing Review. BR