This elephant in the classroom is still not being taken seriously

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MSome names have y memories of the long, hot summer of 1976, when I was nine, are not of the scorching temperatures. What I remember most is that my PE teacher sent me — and me alone — running round the 800 metre track four times in a row, claiming repeatedly that I had stepped outside the white lines.

A handful of classmates later told me that she had hissed under her breath: ‘I’ve always hated that girl.’

Admittedly, I had always been the sort of child who was happier running away from a ball than towards it. But I am sure that my life-long aversion to sport was, in large part, fostered by Miss Baker’s loathing.

Of course, back in the Seventies, favouritism was a fact of life — as much a part of the school experience as Quink ink. Some teachers liked you. Others didn’t, and didn’t bother making any secret of it.

But when my older daughter Lily started school, I had no such worries. Our understanding of child psychology had come a long way in the intervening decades. Surely favouritism was a thing of the past?

I was, naturally, proved wrong when, one day aged 10, Lily came home reporting that her maths teacher was favouring a group of girls, who she called the ‘mathmaticians.’

She described them as having ‘sports cars’ for brains, compared to the rest who she labelled ‘old bangers.’ When one mother questioned herl ogic, the teacher explained that she intended to hold up the high-flyers as an example, so the others would try harder.

The opposite happened. The girls who were branded second rate, simply assumed they were not good at maths. What was the point of trying? Even the teacher’s pets did not enjoy the favouritism, which divided a once-happy classroom and led to several girls saying they wanted to leave school. After an emotional meeting between parents and the head, that teacher was moved out of her position.

Lily’s case is extreme. Yet it is worth highlighting, because favouritism is still present in our schools. As the author of parenting books, I often hear about children feeling trapped by a teacher’s personal dislike.

In one recent study by the University of Birmingham, 14,000 pupils from six countries were asked about fairness. Only 42 per cent of those in England agreed that teachers treated them completely fairly — the lowest of any country. Meanwhile, Department for Education research found that favouritism does impact grades. Moderators checked how 2,000 teachers marked the essays of 11-year-old pupils over a year. Nearly

Seek the signs: Does your child give up easily and walk away from school projects? Have they developed a sense of hopelessness? Is a particular subject seemingly the source of their problem?

Speak to your child: Are they upset Children typically believe what adults say to them and take labels to heart.” Miriam Chachamu, family therapist

two thirds said they thought “personal feelings about particular pupils influenced their assessments”.

Yet as exam season approaches, this elephant in the classroom is still not being taken seriously — despite the risks it poses to your child.

Few parents intervene if they suspect favouritism. We fear sounding paranoid or making things worse. We are also caught in a guilty double-bind; after all we don’t complain when our child is among the favoured few, do we?

Family therapist Miriam Chachamu says that, if left unchecked, such negativity can have a profound effect.

“Children typically believe what adults say to them and take labels to heart,” she says. “They are in the process of constructing their identity. Children constantly ask themselves: ‘Am I clever? Funny? Cool? So when grown-ups label them, we give them the answers they are looking for.”

Even if a child is labelled as ‘gifted’ it can backfire, adds Miriam. “They might imagine they don’t need to bother, or make an effort in other areas. Why does a mathematician also need to be sporty?”

Teachers are only human. Like anyone, they naturally warm to certain children — but if they make no attempt to hide those feelings they could be making things worse. Pupils who feel side-lined may lose motivation, making them even less liked. It can set up a vicious circle of antago- nism, which can be difficult to break.

So what do you if your child is a victim of favouritism?

Experts recommend, first, asking whether an isolated incident has upset them — or if there are concrete examples of regular favouritism. Is your child upset by a particular subject? Do they express hopelessness or give up easily? Have other children noticed it? Check, too, that you are not bringing your own unfinished business — such as cruel PE teachers past — into the present.

If you do think there is an issue, approach it tactfully. Former head teacher and parenting author, Noel Janis-Norton, says: “Start with the assumption that the teacher is trying their best.

parents — have their children noticed any favouritism by a specific teacher? Be honest: Are you bringing any of your own issues into play — perhaps a previous disagreement with a certain staff member at the school, or even your own past experiences of favouritism?

If you are sure that your child’s teacher is expressing a preference for certain students, approach them — but gently. Be tactful and go in with the assumption that they are only human and trying to do their best. They may not have realised that they

“Say: ‘I’m sure you mean to motivate the lower achievers, but in my child’s case it seems to be doing the opposite’.”

The last word should probably go to a teacher. Miriam says: “I was talking one who admitted that in every classroom, there are children you like less.

“She had returned from a year away and was pleased that all her pupils had given her a hug. In other words, none knew how she really felt about them. It was then that she knew she had done her job properly.”

If the situation becomes serious — i.e. with students expressing that they don’t want to attend school — it might be advisable to call a meeting between parents and the head teacher.

Taming the Tiger Parent by Tanith Carey is published by Little, Brown (£8. 99). To order your copy plus p & p call 0844 871 1514 or visit books.telegraph.co.uk