Questions and answers as special day looms

I live alone, I am very happy. I heard someone could call on the night of Dec 25. How do I avoid it? Look, this is ridiculous. He has reindeer and has to battle the Third Ring Road traffic. He can’t possibly make it. But he’s been doing it for ages.

Lock your doors, close your windows and go to bed early. Avoid children.

I am insured for break-ins. Can I claim on Dec 26?

Yes, it’s called the Santa clause of your insurance policy.

My children are determined to stay up and see our mystery guest. What can I do?

Make sure that you take them for long walks on the 24th and keep them up until, say, 11 pm. Then they should be tired. If this fails, arrange a neighbor to come in and distract them. It always works. No child has ever really seen the mystery guest, though some say they have.

He always makes it, sometimes a bit late, but he always makes it.

But the numbers involved? Impossible.

Not at all, the modern world, smartphones, internet of things, he can make all his house calls.

Did he ever fail?

Once, one of the reindeer got sick. But a new one was called in. Don’t forget he has a year to make plans.

I think I saw him once. I am now in my 50s, but when I was 6, I think I saw Santa.

I’m looking at the records and there was what we call a bad run. This happened in the mid-60s. Very bad weather and some of the presents got mixed up. There was hell to pay, but even then every home was visited. Yes, it could have been on that bad run that you saw him. He was running late and may have been a bit sloppy.

Is it too late to make a request?

It is never too late.

Is there something Santa cannot deliver?

Well, a functioning Airbus A380 may be a bit big but generally he can provide all the presents that he has been told about.

Are you sure?

Well, I think so. Now, sometimes there may be a bit of confusion, but generally, within reason, he can do it.

Does he like his job?

He loves it.

Does he get presents?

Delivering them is his reward.

How old is he?

A bit older than grandpa. Yes, but he takes very good care of himself.

What does he do when he has delivered all the presents?

He goes for a long holiday to somewhere warm.

Does he like to have a cup of tea when he drops the presents off?

Yes, this is important. Children should leave a little biscuit and glass of water near the window. It is thirsty work and he really appreciates this. It is vital that you inform your parents that this is for Santa, otherwise they might tidy it up. It is also crucial that children are asleep when he calls. He will not call if children are awake, which is why no one has ever officially seen him.

Thank you for your questions. Merry Christmas!!