Why I’ve started trolling scammers: It’s fun and they deserve it
She was confused. I was amused.
“Do you need a loan?” she asked.
“Sure! I can give you a loan,” I replied.
“So … you want a loan?” she asked again, uncertainly.
“No. But I can give you one.”
“I don’t need one,” she said.
“Tell you what,” I replied. “Just tell me your bank account number and password, and I’ll put the money in your account. Just tell me how much you need.” She hung up.
I still don’t know if she simply thought I didn’t understand her since I’m a foreigner (we were speaking Chinese) or if she realized I was trolling her.
For months, I’ve been receiving calls from anonymous mobile numbers offering loans.
The people on the other end don’t even pretend to be from “X Lending Co Ltd”.
I answer, and the first words are, “You need a loan?” Previously, I just hung up. I don’t normally mess with people. But I decided to make an exception for this stranger trying to swindle me (and others).
These criminals call random numbers until they get someone gullible, or desperate, enough.
About 400 police detained 246 suspects in a phone loan scam involving almost $16 million in Fujian province’s Fuzhou this spring, ThePaper.cn reported.
And about 180 loan sharks targeting students were arrested in about 20 locations in Guangdong province last summer, according to domestic media.
The country banned unregistered loans to students in June 2017, after some committed suicide, went into hiding or were coerced into sex.
Some lenders demand nude photos that they threaten to make public unless demands are met. A friend confided to me that she’d once accepted such a loan and used images of herself “without clothes” as collateral.
I never asked what happened subsequently, since it’s personal.
But I wonder.
That’s why I’ve decided to troll scammers.
Next call, I’ll burst into song and serenade them until they hang up. Or perhaps just repeatedly meow into the phone. Or hand it to my 2-year-old and tickle him.
The possibilities are endless.
I’ve done similar things with illegal drivers at airports and train stations.
When they just won’t take no for an answer, I say things like: “Sure! Drive me to Australia”, or, “OK! Take me to your house. Is it comfy?”
Again, they seem to believe my phrasing is the result of my speaking in my second language, rather than joking at their expense. But they eventually give up.
It’s my way of turning an annoying encounter with a clingy tout into a bit of entertainment, transforming exasperated sighs into giggles.
Again, these drivers do not offer fair fares. The reason such predators stalk me is almost certainly that they believe I’m easy prey as a foreigner.
Now, I make it a point to be friendly to legal drivers.
The same goes for legitimate telemarketers.
I politely say: “Sorry, but I’m not interested. Have a good day!”
I actually feel bad for them. They spend all day calling people who don’t want them to.
But they’re just trying to make an honest living and would likely take a different job if they could.
However, the folks calling from random mobile numbers and offering loans are hoping to steal or exploit.
One scam involves persuading particularly naive people into giving their banking information, including passwords, with promises that the loaned money will be deposited in their accounts. The fraudsters instead empty them.
That’s the scam I referenced when trolling my recent caller.
I didn’t get any money from her.
But I did get a payoff — namely, a bit of fun at the expense of a morally bankrupt person whose actions cost society.
Bilingual: Creative admission letters