Why a family road trip is the best time to have the sex talk with your kids
As parenting adventures go, long family road trips and sex talks rank high on the list of things we don’t want to do.
And yet, a decent spell in the car — imagine you’re bound for Cornwall, or perhaps queuing for the Eurotunnel en route to the south of France — is one of the best times to broach difficult subjects, according to a family psychologist.
How a lack of eye contact helps kids
“With their parents’ focus on the road, children may find it easier to ask questions they wouldn’t normally ask under direct eye contact,” says Dr Linda Papadopoulos. In cars, “children often feel more comfortable talking about uncomfortable topics because they aren’t in the spotlight.“
Her advice is endorsed by parents, who reported in a new survey that more than half of children (54 per cent) are more likely to open up about topics such as what happened at school and trouble with friends when their parents are behind the wheel.
And it’s not just our children who find freedom with a captive audience, says Dr Papadopoulos. “Similarly, parents’ eyes are on the road so they perhaps feel more comfortable bringing up topics that might be more awkward at home,” she explains. Nearly two-thirds of parents surveyed by Renault, the car manufacturer, said they felt more comfortable broaching a sex talk in the car than elsewhere.
Of course, you can achieve the same lack of eye contact on the school run as on a road trip — and this is a good time for shorter heart-to-hearts, according to the psychologist.
Why a holiday is the best time for an in-car chat
But for conversations that may require a longer period of time, a holiday road trip is your best opportunity: in the same survey, which polled 2,000 parents of 2-18-yearold children, more than a third (38 per cent) of parents chose the car as their favourite place for conversations with their children — because the kids were far more honest in the car than elsewhere.
“Perhaps the conversation is a little more complex so needs longer to discuss, or we may need a little more time to warm up to certain potentially tricky subjects,” Dr Papadopoulos explains.
“Away from the immediate worries of facing school the next day, children may be more willing to open up about the friend they have troubles with or the fear of changing for P.E.”
There is another silver lining of pairing the drudgery of a long car trip with the awkwardness of difficult conversations: “If a family is on a long drive before going on holiday, then the upcoming break could provide the perfect positive subject to start and finish on, allowing the topic to change and any awkwardness to diffuse before stepping out of the car.”
Dr Papadopoulos explains: “The conversation can be revisited and resolved over the coming days or
With their parents’ focus on the road, children may find it easier to ask questions they wouldn’t normally ask under direct eye contact.” Dr Linda Papadopoulos, psychologist
weeks. As the subject has been broached, it means that future conversations can be had a lot easier. Perhaps the conversation will be resolved that night at bed time, or in further car journeys.”
She does caution spending time on the topic however. “It’s important to remember that not every conversation needs to be resolved with a single discussion or in a single car journey,” she added. “The most important step is to break the ice and raise the subject for the first time.”