Flatter till you fall: Parents praise teachers on social media
Ifelt rather lucky being the mother of a toddler when my resentful friends sent snapshots of conversations they had with their kids’ teachers in WeChat groups of parents and teachers. They were angry at the fawning behavior of parents who would spare no effort in singing paeans for the teachers and praise every word they said. A homework message would have scores of parents praising what they called the teacher’s responsible behavior, ironically relegating the original notification to the background.
My friends are definitely not alone in this. A deluge of messages from parents on social media, primarily WeChat, has become a source of irritation for both sides, and is being hotly discussed. News related to the troubling phenomenon often hits headlines and grabs anxious parents’ attention. A man exited the class group chat forum because he couldn’t take the flattery anymore. Parents are embarrassed after the teacher criticizes their children in the chat. Many are swamped by the messages that pile up after just a momentary loss of attention. Some parents make social media a platform for flaunting their wealth and their kids’ performance, upsetting others who are not so lucky.
The relationship between teachers and parents is supposed to devoid of any semblance of complexity – concentrating on academics and the development of the child. But large chat groups have complicated relations, become a quasi-society rife with utility, comparison and even competition to attract teachers’ attention. A mother friend of mine sighed, “I can ignore my boss’ messages, but I dare not do that with my kid’s teachers’ posts.”
The lack of trust between parents and teachers has probably made the relationship more sensitive than ever before. Worried parents respond obsequiously to everything teachers say in the hope that their children will get more attention. They are zealously willing to face the inconvenience in the interest of their children. But even most teachers don’t like it. They find the compliments very flattering and struggle to strike a delicate balance in the relationship. Moreover, a 24/7 connection with parents is exhausting. This is perhaps unique to China, where personal relations overstep the line. American-Chinese writer Lenora Chu wrote in her book Little Soldiers about a similar problem that surprised her after she with her family moved to Shanghai. Lenora had to follow what other parents did. It’s therefore exciting that educational authorities in Xining, capital city of Northwest China’s Qinghai Province, released guidelines earlier this month about dos and don’ts on social media between parents and teachers. And days ago a middle school in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, issued a succinct suggestion about using WeChat for better purposes. Hopefully more cities will follow suit to ease the anxiety of parents. Social media helps us keep in touch with members of society and promotes a feeling of camaraderie. But sometimes it invades our life in strange ways, becoming a burden rather than a convenient tool. I do hope that when my daughter goes to school, tools like WeChat will only make my communication with teachers easier, not intrusive.