Summer signings failing to juggle is proof that modern game is a circus
As much as everyone hates the transfer window, it does guarantee one thing: transfers. More importantly that means unveilings and because there is justice in the world that means unveiling new players on the pitch, which in turn means them popping on their new club’s kit and giving the assembled fans and the world’s journalists a brief glimpse of their ball- juggling ability.
Even better than all of that is what happens next. It turns out soccer players can’t always do a thing that we take for granted that they can do better than us. As the evidence proves, some of the most expensive players in the world can not keep the ball off the ground for more than a few seconds.
Real Madrid signing Theo Hernandez started the ball rolling ( well away from his foot) when he signed from At- letico Madrid earlier this summer. The attacking fullback barely managed six touches during his press conference on the Bernabeu pitch. Barcelona then went two better. Both Paulinho, a Brazilian aka the one nationality we all look to for teaching us how to caress a ball, and record signing Ousmane Dembele struggled to keep the ball off the ground.
It’s not a new phenomenon. There is a case that when the pressure is on ( and if there is any more pressure than the media at Real Madrid then it could be used by science to turn carbon to diamonds) it’s hard to perform. That could explain both Danilo – just fi ve kickups – and Gareth Bale’s Bernabeu uncomfortable unveilings where they both looked like drunk tourists who had stumbled on a ball and fancied showing their mates they could play a bit. They could not.
Take Maradona. When El Diego was at his peak in 1989 he was the embodiment of this. His warm- up for Napoli away to Bayern Munich is on YouTube for all to see. Set to the hit record Live is Life, he preps for the UEFA Cup tie by juggling the ball and he is relaxed as you like. His laces remain untied throughout. This is a man who personifi es soccer, who is at one with the ball.
Gary Lineker recalled that some of the biggest names in the game were in awe of Maradona’s warm- up when he prepped for the England vs the Rest of the World game that marked the Centenary of the Football League in 1987. Lineker was his teammate – he played for Barcelona at the time – and was amazed that Maradona could repeatedly volley the ball 30 yards ( 27 meters) in the air without having to move. Michel Platini and Paolo Futre were among those who joined Lineker in amazement.
Juggling is not everything. Seeing future Ballon d’Or winner Neymar fall over trying to fl ick the ball up and falling over confi rms that, as do the countless failed pros who make a living outside tourist attractions doing things with a soccer ball that you could not imagine. But there’s a part of me that always wants players to have superhuman soccer ability rather than athleticism and a desire to succeed.