It’s back to business

NOW the Cup is out of the way we can again concentrate on league matters — and this weekend I’m gonna throw the spotlight on Alan Pardew and Mark Hughes.

Pardew was of course parachuted in to steady the ship at West Brom following their jettisoning of Tony Pulis over his poor results and stultifying football, but if Albion were looking for the fabled new manager bounce it hasn’t happened. Pardew left his last job following a run of one win in 11 games and his record at the Hawthorns thus far is no wins in eight, which does beg the question: why him? West Brom haven’t won in 20 games, which is bad enough before you factor in that it’s the worst run of any team since Derby’s record-breaking disaster 10 years ago. Obviously failing to beat Brighton today isn’t going to see Pardew given his P45, but you do have to wonder about the competence of those who thought he was a good idea. (For the record Albion’s last 31 league games have produced just two wins, and Pardew at Palace and West Brom six in 44.)

Up the road a few miles Stoke also have more than a few problems. They do have some very good players but there has to be a reason why they’ve notched up a relegation-worthy 45 points from their last 46 games, while a defence that was once noted for its meanness has morphed into the worst in the division. And that reason would seem to all intents and purposes to be Mark Hughes.

Stoke’s not entirely unexpected defeat at bottom division Coventry last weekend was the straw that broke the camel’s back and a board not noted for being trigger-happy were left with little option but to part ways with Hughes. Who’ll they’ll replace him with is anyone’s guess, but whoever he is he’s got quite a job on his hands. (Martin O’Neill, anyone?)

Numbers of the week

Fifteen — number of penalties faced by Petr Cech since he moved to Arsenal, also number of penalties converted by the opposition against Arsenal when Petr Cech has been in goal. Twelve — times Cech has been sent the wrong way when facing those 15 penalties.

Ninety — substitutions made by Mauricio Pochettino this season. The fruit of those substitutions? One goal, one assist.

Easy pickings

Fleetwood’s goalkeeper earned himself a year’s supply of pizzas when keeping a clean sheet against Leicester in the Cup. Considering that Leicester failed to register a single shot on target, that has to go down as the softest incentive scheme since the Sutton-Arsenal pie-gate fiasco last season.

Good week . . .

. . . For fans of the mystique of the FA Cup, as they had their annual fix of David and Goliath stories; Coventry, Forest and Newport who were this year’s Davids; and those who favour the introduction of Video Action Replay (VAR). It debuted at the Brighton-Palace game without any controversy.

Bad week . . .

. . . For fans of the mystique of the FA Cup, who found themselves contemplating very low attendances as most clubs played their second strings; Stoke, Arsenal and Leeds who were the unfortunate Goliaths; those who are vehemently against the introduction of VAR, claiming that it takes away talking points and spontaneity; and Mark Hughes.

From-the-archives quote of the week

“Should the aggregate score be level after 90 minutes, extra time will be played.” From the Fulham match programme for the second leg of their League Cup tie with Liverpool in 1986-87. Liverpool were 10-0 up from the first leg. The Reds duly won 3-2 at the Cottage to negate the possibility of extra time.

Team of the week

Christian Walton, Wigan; Cian Bolger, Fleetwood; Virgil Van Dijk, Liverpool; Matt Sadler, Shrewsbury; Jack Grimmer, Coventry; Ben Brereton, Forest; Jordan Willis, Coventry; Harry Kane, Spurs; Eric Lichaj, Forest; Sergio Aguero, Citeh; Jess Lingard, United. Manager: Mark Robins, Coventry.

The Flying Pig

No, that’s not a reference to the chances of the UK getting a fair deal from the EU, or Cypriot driving getting better any time soon. It is actually the nickname once given to Liverpool’s firstchoice keeper in the Sixties, Tommy Lawrence, who passed away earlier this week. The Scot was a big fella who was also an excellent custodian for Bill Shankly’s side. I saw him play many times and he was very good. Another link from the past is gone. RIP.

This week’s big games

Today: 5pm Chelsea v Leicester, Palace v Burnley, Huddersfield v West Ham, Newcastle v Swansea, Watford v Southampton, West Brom v Brighton; 7.30pm Spurs v Everton. Tomorrow: 3.30pm Bournemouth v Arsenal; 6pm Liverpool v Citeh. Monday: 10pm United v Stoke. The stand-out game is obviously tomorrow’s clash at Anfield between freescoring Liverpool and free-scoring Citeh, while at the other end of the table Newcastle against Swansea looks interesting.

Mind-boggling

We think it gets hot here, but spare a thought for our beleaguered cricketers in Australia, who in the final Test at Sydney on day four had to endure 57.5 degrees of scorching heat pitch-side. In old money that’s 135.5° Fahrenheit which is just insane, especially as there’s not too much in the way of cover out on a cricket pitch, especially a bowl such as the SCG.

What was also mind-boggling was the fact that the England selectors thought sending a platoon of medium-paced seamers and a part-time spin bowler would see England get 20 wickets in any of the five Tests. As for the wisdom of sending out three lefties in the top order to face Nathan Lyons’ spin bowling; who on earth thought that was a good idea?

How many?

The defenders of golf’s handicapping system always point out its inherent and intended fairness, while its detractors aren’t shy to claim that if players want equality with their betters then they had best put in the hard yards and bring themselves up to their opposition’s level.

There was a system in place for years whereby shots received were determined by a percentage of any differential. This, broadly speaking, served as a bulwark against golfing banditry and kept things reasonably honest. However over the past few years, in order to democratise the process and encourage more people into the sport, these differential percentages were gradually honed down before being done away with altogether in some forms of competition. This, unsurprisingly, led to many accusations of banditry among disgruntled lower and middle handicaps.

Now the powers that be have decreed that the maximum handicap for men and women is 54, or effectively three shots per hole. This shouldn’t be a problem at clubs that have divisional play, but at those who do not things are about to get interesting — and testy.

And finally

Last week I asked two questions: which club has supplied the most England captains? Which club has supplied the most England players? The answer to the former is Liverpool, for whom Jordan Henderson is the latest of 11 to wear the armband, while with 78 players capped by England Spurs take the honours in the latter.

This week: I’m going to keep this one simple — which Scottish team had a famous five, and name them?

Useless fact — if I last until then, on Thursday, February 1 I will be 22,222 days old. At the time of writing I am 22,200 days old and I’ve only just learned that a baby puffin is called a puffling. In the last 22,200 days, many momentous things have happened both historically and personally and I’m sure that like most ordinary people I have a few regrets to go with many happy memories — among them the fact that I’ve never seen Spurs win the title or notched a hole in one. But at least thanks to Amanda Claire “know it all” Gunning I know what a baby puffin is called. My cup truly runneth over.