What’s next?

hat-trick, 94th minute West Ham equalise and it’s Spurs 3-3 West Ham. Welcome to my life as a Spurs fan. It’s no good moaning (justifiably) at dodgy free kicks, you just have to be able to defend them and clearly this version of Spurs defence can’t. Equally there’s little point in saying that their third goal was a unstoppable freak because if a simple clearance had been made then it doesn’t happen. When Mourinho was appointed the expectation was that Spurs would become a boring watch, content to grind out 1-0 wins. Instead they’re scoring for fun and pathetically weak at defending set-pieces. Mourinho is on record saying that his forward options are as good, if not better, than he has ever had, which I think is possibly true. But I do know that his defence is beyond any doubt the worst he has ever had and that is where our and his problems lie for the rest of the season.

Can’t claim this one

Seen on the net: Liverpool complaining about VAR is like Jimmy Saville complaining about Gary Glitter.

She’s aff her heid!

A leading member of the Guesstapo (sic) last week appealed/ordered (delete where applicable) fans of Celtic and Rangers to follow the covid guidelines/restrictions/diktats (delete where applicable) and not to gather in homes to watch last Saturday’s Old Firm game, the fear being that with the ground closed and pubs shut fans would choose to gather in homes because they had no other option. Nicola Sturgeon has many faults but it really does appear that she’s particularly got it in for fans of Celtic and Rangers, as could be seen by her government’s recent attempts to use so-called hate laws to muzzle fans of both clubs, but here she really did bite off more than she could chew. Because in addition to not watching the footie in other people’s houses she also urged/ordered (delete where applicable) the fans to not travel outside the central belt or, heaven forbid, nip down to England to watch the game. Apparently pubs along the border unsurprisingly enjoyed a roaring trade.

See you Jimmy!

“My name’s not Hector”: sign seen in the entrance of a club in Blackpool a few years ago. I’ve never spent more than a few hours in the resort on the Lancashire coast but it’s been a favourite of Glaswegians since Victorian times when the annual Glasgow Fair came around. And apparently it’s still popular with Scots, which is another reason why yon Krankie in Edinburgh shot herself in the foot once again when she specifically cited Blackpool as a place Old Firm fans should absolutely not go to to watch the game. It didn’t work and also big kudos to the Rangers fans who forked out 37 quid for a weekend in Lanzarote courtesy of Ryanair. Given that their club won the game easily they probably don’t mind the two weeks quarantine that came with it on their return to sunny Glasgow (oxymoron time).

Team of the week

Nick Pope Burnley, Kyle Walker-Peters Southampton, Timo Werner Chelsea, Allan Everton, Harry Kane Spurs, Bernardo Silva Citeh, Mo Salah Liverpool, Harry Kane Spurs, Kai Havertz Chelsea. Dominic Calvert-Lewin Everton, Jack Grealish Villa. Manager: Dean Smith, Villa. The eagle-eyed will have noted that Harry Kane has been selected twice this week; this is not in error he is there because quite simply not only is he a superb striker but he is also at the moment on a par with Kevin De Bruyne as a midfielder par excellence. Also, once again, there is a distinct lack of defenders in the team but with the way Premier League defences are being shredded seemingly every week this means that very few deserve to make the team.

This week’s games

Today 2:30; West Ham vs Citeh. 5pm; Fulham vs Palace. 7:30; United vs Chelsea. 10pm; Liverpool vs Sheffield United. Tomorrow 2pm; Southampton vs Everton. 6:30; Wolves vs Newcastle. 9:15; Arsenal vs Leicester. Monday 7:30 Brighton vs West Brom. 10pm; Burnley vs Spurs. Friday 10pm; Wolves vs Palace. Champions League Tuesday 10pm; Marseilles vs Citeh, Liverpool vs FC Midtjylland.

Wednesday 7:55; FK Krasnodar vs Chelsea. 10pm; United vs Red Bull Leipzig. Europa League Thursday 7:55 Royal Antwerp vs Spurs, AEK Athens vs Leicester, Lille vs Celtic. 10pm; Arsenal vs Dundalk, Rangers vs Lech Poznan.

F1

Portuguese Grand Prix tomorrow 3:10pm.

And finally

Last week’s question: Fred Perry had another string to his bow, what? Tennis legend Perry’s first sporting love was actually table tennis and in 1928 he became the world champion at that discipline and the rest, as they say, is history. Well done to John Grundey. This week: a sneaky one. Alan Hudson, Kenny Hibbitt, Peter Ward, Chris Turner, Nicky Reid, Gary Mills, Roger Davies, Steve Daley, Roy Greaves, Coach Alan Hinton. Which team had these players in their squad in 1982?

Many thanks to the kind lady who told me that the column where I gave Manchester United a tonking was the funniest thing she had read in ages. Oddly enough my United supporting wife, nephew, and friends didn’t find it humorous at all. Can’t imagine why.

Last Sunday West Ham fan Bob Hodge told me that he hoped Spurs would go easy on the Hammers. Fast forward four hours and not only had they gone easy on them they’d practically given the council house tenants from east London the keys to Spurs’ swanky new home!