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PSYCHODELIC STALL RUNSFORD LARYEA
made national headlines involving six (very) young women suffering at the hands of a man who was both a father and father figure to them. Waking up to such, my inital reaction was that of disbelief and disappointment (amongst other things), sentiments I must have shared with the many other people that came into viewing contact with the publication. As if that story was not heart-wrenching enough, it was swiftly followed by that of the father who took the life of his seven month-old baby in the most gruesome fashion. Both stories absolutely disgusting, there is not denying that. In many ways, both stories accentuate the association between us males and some of the ‘savagery’ we find ourselves being accountable for and consequently, it becomes a bit of a ‘social disservice’ given the fact that we turn aggressors on the very people we are supposed to nurture and protect: especially young, minor women.
Victim
In the case of the survivors, this is without even considering the psycho-emotional trauma that comes with being the subject of abuse of a sexual nature, especially from someone you consider a parent, an uncle or employer. Mentally, it places the victim in an awkward psychological position mainly because something like (sexual) abuse forces the minor to deconstruct their perception of who you are to them on account of what you are doing to them. This means, they no longer see you as a ‘sanctuary of
safety’ anymore instead, you have become a threat to their mind, body and innocence. Unfortunately, it is very common among many women (and men) to hold certain reservations and perceptions against the opposite or the same gender, especially if they have had unpleasant experiences they attach to that gender, and this case is no different. Therefore, a story such as this does no good at all to the image of the male but instead propels forward the idea that we are not safe to be around nor are we capable of nurturing our own.
Even though very few often make it to public consciousness, sexual abuse stories such as these happen quite often and it is the continued tendencies of ‘sweeping it under the rug’ that accelerate the problem further. The fact that the perpetrator is a family member (and sometimes the head of the family) tends to complicate and confuse the victim who is not sure whether to speak up or not, to who and how to do it.
This is why I always put in the fact that we need to check up on our children at home, at school or when you are not around because they cannot always tell you everything, which is where the gaze of an adult helps. Also, seeing a psychologist and going for counselling may be useful for those whom this has befallen. To us men, it sounds like a clichè, but we need to do better as ‘assistants’ to our wives, and sisters by disengaging from such dirty acts and focus rather on ensuring our young people’s proper development and safety. Send comments to runsford0505@gmail.com.