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Tquestion keeps popping up on my helpline column, I always say the same thing there’s no time frame for how soon one can be certain that he/she has met the one to marry.
A few weeks ago I received the very same question on Facebook, from someone who wanted to know how soon one can marry.
Her fiancé had popped the question after two weeks of dating. The fiancé informed her that he had played the field and was done; had no more time to waste dating for a long period.
As flattered as she was, she was really worried and scared at the same time, about the too soon proposal.
The truth is there’s no time frame for these things; it can be a year or two or even three and soon after the wedding things could go south. It could be a month or a few months and it could work or maybe not; like I said to her, only God knows.
My former gynaecologist told me she and her husband met in med school and dated for two weeks and got married; they are still happy together with two kids. I dated my husband in July, for four weeks.
He proposed and we were engaged for two months; first week of October we eloped and we are still happily married with two boys.
My family naturally was concerned and his was in the dark, story for another day, but basically that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
The point is we could have dated longer and then divorced after the first year, lucky for us it was a gamble that paid off.
The gorgeous Mzansi Radio and Television Personality Lerato Kganyago, once trended for announcing that she was splitting from husband Thami Ndlala, barely two months after their traditional wedding.
Hhawu njani manje? Since ngiyatitsandza tindzaba, I dug some more. Reports surfaced which alleged that the hubby was a conman. He allegedly stayed in one of the most expensive houses in the suburbs, claiming he owned it when he was renting. It was also alleged that the car he drove was not his either the list was endless.
HIS
From my six years of marriage I can safely tell you that only two people know the comings and goings of their marriage.
All marriages have their own set of challenges. Only she knows the real reason why she decided to announce the spilt after only being married for two months.
Some things you can’t rush, yes some toys may seem shiny from a distance until you have them in your possession.
Personally I can’t say much because I also married a stranger and thank God it worked. Let’s just say tinhlanhla tebantfu atifani.
Is it perfect? Not by a long short, it has its own challenges like any other marriage, we fight and argue too, the trick is not giving up on each other. I am not saying the famous Mzansi personality gave up on her spouse, if anything I commend her for being brave enough to get out as soon as she realised it wasn’t working, or foresaw a bigger problem going forward.
It takes a lot for women to give up on marriage unlike some men, they fight tooth and nail and stay noma sekute any reason to stay and by some miracle some do come back to life and the marriage is revived. I say bravo to her for doing what she had to do.
A lot was said about her after the announcement, as people will always have an opinion about something they know absolutely nothing about.
But if it’s not working it’s not working, there’s no point hanging on trying to impress your family and your in-laws kani uyasha daily, life is too short.
Again there’s no formula on how long one can date to know that it will result in a healthy marriage; time will tell and God.
But if there are too many red flags get out as soon as possible.
Love yourself enough to walk away from a person who doesn’t treat you right just because you are married to them, understand that some marriages were just not meant to be!