Co-parenting pearls in DJ Zinhle note
Ucommunities, strong families and morally firm societies have never been more needed at any time in history than they are today.
Last week, social media went abuzz as celebrity DJ Zinhle reignited the purpose of parenting in her tribute to ‘‘AKA’’. Perhaps throwing a challenge for others to emulate or do better in their family duties, not for themselves, not just the child, but even their communities and the country.
In this lifetime, you are unlikely to read an article about co-parenting, tips on how to do it best and examples.
The word itself is rare. This is because we live in a society where intimate premarital engagements are frowned upon. But that does not change the fact that they do happen, and once a child is born out of it, they usually lack support.
We do not read any on parenting lest it is Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
After that, it is business as usual, and the children will fend for themselves as the topic of family values, children’s upkeep, expectations, and best family practices leaves the table.
As the topic goes, the quicksand of moral disintegration continues to swallow communities and young people with no one to hold a lamp for them to navigate life’s challenges.
NITED REGULAR
The sad stories of men abandoning children at birth or baby dumping have been so regular, readers have become numb to them. Numb to something we should be strongly condemning and weeding out of communities.
In this world, you will easily read an article about the socalled ‘Baby Mama Drama’. You hear of single mothers being accused of refusing to rationalise or alleged to be hell-bent on making men’s lives miserable.
Yet, when you zero into the common denominator of the row, it’s actually the upkeep of the child and welfare.
The slang word baby mama/ daddy in itself needs review. That person is a mother to a lovely soul and should be given that dignity.
You will also easily read an article about a man in a child maintenance row who refuses to pay for the children’s upkeep because he feels the conditions are unsuitable.
GARNISHED
One man quit his job after being garnished for child maintenance.
To him being home was better than having his salary contribute to the person he voluntarily brought to this world-selfish and uncalled-for post-fatherhood behaviour.
In my lifetime, I have read maintenance cases from an employed man offering to pay just a measly E200 a month for a child to another of a man who was allegedly earning E100 000, but was accused of not paying the upkeep of the people he brought to earth.
Each case has its merit, and I refuse even to try to state who could have been wrong or right, but what is certain is that every child has a right to parenting.
Every child has a right to basics.
Hence it is not a him versus her, it should be both working towards a better future for the child, never mind their relationship status, as our anchor story for today on Zinhle and ‘AKA’ will paint.
Let’s start at the beginning to bring non-Zinhle and non-’AKA’ fans up to speed so we all appreciate the true essence of today’s message.
So Zinhle is a South African DJ, Producer, Media Personality and businesswoman who has had gigs in Eswatini and was one of the Bush Fire Arts Round Table facilitators to empower local artists.
She is also pretty and adored by thousands of people, mostly women, who see her as an inspiration off the stage for her family life and business acumen. ‘AKA’ is a famous multi-awarding hip-hop artist who was shot dead two weeks ago.
PERFORMED
He, too, has performed several times in Eswatini and was the epitome of the legendary quote by Dr Nelson Mandela: “There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
So what do they have to do with the news feature pages in Eswatini?
One thing, really. They were successfully co-parenting their daughter, despite years earlier breaking up.
This Saturday read is a family newspaper, and its readers are diverse, but how we raise children directly impacts the society we have today and for the future.
Many communities today around the world are degenerating. The society of old in which good morals like respect, honesty, tolerance, non-violence, empathy and others were principal pillars of social cohesion.
A firm or revived family culture is prudent to eradicate social ills like Gender Based Violence (GBV) and immorality.
A knitted family culture will also allow a share of resources to counter the blistering and shocking rising living costs. That is my preamble.
Now, let’s get the pearls from that tribute.
As reported by various media houses extracted from DJ Zinhle’s social media, she shared how she remembered ‘AKA’ expressing his pride in their growth as individuals and how he was happy they had cracked the co-parenting secret. Yes, that elusive secret.
DIFFERENCES
“We quickly learnt that our differences would not burden our daughter, our past mistakes could not deprive our daughter of a happy childhood with love from both mom and dad.
I am so glad we figured it out, it’s as if we knew you would not be around long enough. Thank you for loving her the way you did,” she said.
Ultimately, not who was wrong or right led to the parents splitting, which will echo for generations. It is how the child born out of that union was treated and raised.
What morals and principles were planted about life for that child to grow up to be a responsible adult, who plays a meaningful role in society.
That can only be achieved by understanding this ‘secret’ from DJ Zinhle.
‘AKA’ and Zinhle’s relationship is well documented and some women say they would not have the strength to co-parent with him after their public break-up. But for the child, she did. And for the child and the future of our society, all in similar situations can.
The shocking recent headlines show that over 100 000 OVCs have applied for the OVC fund and how fragmented many families in the country.
This is not only an Eswatini issue, but an African challenge due to various social constructs and external factors.
But over and above everything, every human, especially a child, has a right to an essential quality of life supported until 18, when they can then seek financial freedom.
A publication titled: ‘Demography of Single Parenthood in Africa: Patterns, Determinants and Consequences’ states that in 2020 in Southern Africa, the prevalence of unmarried motherhood was over 50 per cent.
It may be higher or lower than that now, but these quick stats give you an idea of the situation.
ESSENTIAL
It is essential that co-parenting is done successfully, as DJ Zinhle and ‘AKA’ share they did. They did it more for the child than themselves, and if more co-parents would appreciate that, then we would have a more robust social fibre.
The same publication notes that an increase in single parenting, especially among women, has become a global concern as existing evidence continues to show that single motherhood is associated with higher risks of poverty, reproduction of poverty and other adverse outcomes that affect the well-being of single mothers and their children.
This world needs a well-knitted family structure and a better social construct.
It needs rebuilding of the family institutions that even if a child has no mother or father, a relative or community member can assist.
There are financial challenges, but we can all do something about it.
Because the more we raise a society of children alienated from any form of guardian, the more we may never find any solution to society’s ills, because we turn our backs on playing a meaningful role in instilling proper values on the next generation and raising the future in the right way.
DJ Zinhle and ‘AKA’ did it despite having differences, so why can’t others?
After all, our futures depend on the young generation being raised the right way.