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Last year, WHO’s director-general outlined five priorities for the subsequent five years, which are promoting health, providing health services, protecting
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EING exposed to children, through my business and through my work in communities, has opened my eyes to so many ills that children are subjected to. Every day there’s something new that I wish parents would open their minds and ponder on this so that they can create a conducive environment for their children to grow up in. One of the most recurring issues is the issue of co-parenting after a break-up, or divorce. While the people who are at loggerheads are the parents, but the ones who suffer the most in bad situations are usually the children. Parents who are bitter towards each other find it hard to co-parent without affecting the children.
Unless your family has faced serious issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting – having both parents play an active role in their children’s daily lives – is the best way to ensure that all your children’s needs are met and enable them to retain close relationships with both parents. When the other parent has proven to be violent towards the
child, or is a danger to be around the child without supervision, then the law can understand that and give primary custody of the child to the more stable parent while protecting the child against the toxic parent. This, however, does not mean that the child cannot know who his or her other parent is. While their relationship might not fall under what we consider ‘normal’, they still need to fully understand why they cannot be with the other parent.
Influence
The quality of the relationship between co-parents can also have a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship issues, especially after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is sometimes easier said than done. But it takes determination and caring for your child’s needs for you two to put your differences aside for the sake of the child. For example, if the child needs to visit the other parent, it’s not wrong to drop him or her off at the agreed upon point without all the drama. Co-parenting is about making it easier for the other parent, and yourself, to raise the child you made together. Once you think of ways to make it hard for the other parent, then you are not thinking about the well-being of your child. Denying the other parent access to the child is denying that child time spent with their parent and they will not take this with a smile when they are older.
Making shared decisions, interacting with each other at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, though, it is possible for you to overcome co-parenting challenges
and develop a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these tips, you can remain calm, consistent and resolve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to thrive. I know it seems odd to have to consult your ex about a certain decision, but if it involves the child, then it’s the right thing to do!
Your marriage, relationship or partnership may be over, but your family is not; acting in your child’s best interest is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature and responsible co-parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own. If your need to be angry at the other parent surpasses the child’s need for a loving parent, then maybe you are not as good of a parent as you thought you were. Think about that. Your children should be able to feel that they are more important than the conflict that ended your relationship.
There are benefits to proper co-parenting – the children will feel secure and adjust quicker and easier to the changes of the family setting they grew up in. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively solve problems and conflict. Those children will also have you as a healthy example to follow; they are less likely to fall into the trap of finding themselves in toxic relationships later on in life.
I wish all parents with children, who are no longer together, can understand that co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability and future well-being. It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behaviour. Instead, let what’s best for your kids – you working cooperatively with the other parent – motivate your actions.