You can change your mind but not the heart

Iwas watching one of the TV series last week, I forget which one. It’s no secret that I love TV after music of course. Two male friends were talking about relationships.

One of the guys shared with his friend that he really loved his woman despite the challenges they were facing. He said and I quote: “The thing is you can change your mind about stuff, but you can’t change your heart.” It just stuck with me, that it’s actually true when you really think about it.

Often we make decisions and change our minds about certain things; it could be the colour of the car you want to buy. It could be the colour or design of your dress, it could be the area of a place you thinking of buying. It could be a career choice, food, hairstyle or basically anything you could possibly think of, you can decide to change your mind and want something else, it will still be perfectly fine. But when it comes to who you love, it’s certainly a different discussion altogether.

Think about it, even though Sipho has lied to you about being friends with the girl you suspected that he has cheating with, uze ugcine ubabambile that you were right all along. Even if you learn that actually he does have another child, it’s just that he did not tell you about it, because you were already in the picture when the bambino was conceived.

Since he didn’t want to lose you, he decided to keep it from you. Even when you realised that his family does not like you including yours. They think he is too much of a snob, bekancono your ex rather.

Even when you realise that his sister literally despises you including his mum. Also when you realise that actually you are the one who loves him more than you, yebo naye he loves you, it’s just that you love him 10 times more.

You can’t leave him because you love him even when you realise that he is actually a heavy drinker kani wena you prefer someone who drinks occasionally not every weekend.

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You can’t change your heart about him even if you learn that he actually smokes kani you vowed that you can’t kiss someone who smokes, but here we are, sithule nje siyabuka.

Noma sovile that actually he is married after all, even though he told you that they were in the process of divorcing, but two years later, you still have ‘not seen even a copy of a the divorce papers’. If anything, you have accepted that it was just a story to get you to accept that he’s married, it’s just that kunetinkinga and there are kids involved.

He figured he might as well stay married to her, for the kids’ sake of course. He also comforts you with the lie most married men love, where they claim that they don’t sleep together anymore, but not so long ago the wife’s friend hosted a baby shower for the last born, whom your boyfriend claims has no idea how it happened because he hasn’t touched her in a long time and they use different bedrooms. Some women actually believe such lies but angikho lapho asengce.

These words ring true, the heart actually has no brain when you think about it. Even when the facts are laid out for you, it’s difficult to make sense why you love someone even when you know they don’t deserve you. You find yourself questioning other people how they are still with so and so because there’s no logic in the relationship existing.

The reality is when it comes to the heart and the brain, these two never agree. I know I have fallen victim many times too. Only when logic creeps in and you question yourself kutsi koja what did you even see in that person after all, and usually that happens after things have gone south.

But yes, I agree with the guy who made the comment that you can certainly change your mind, but not the heart, It just wants what it wants end of the day. As old people say; inhlitiyo ayiphakelwa, I really believe that now.