Of women, money and sex

1( of my favourite columnists, 'umisa 'lamini, at his usual best, once wrote an article in his weekly (swatini Saturday 2bserve column which loudly, boldly, confidently and also hilariously asserted that in any type of love or se[ual relationship, whether in marriage or outside of marriage, ‘men always pay for se[, while women always pay with se[.’

In my view, this was a better, sanitised, kinder and more decent version of my own viewpoint, whereby I think that in any type of love or se[ual relationship, ‘men always pay for or buy se[, while women always sell se[.’

When I discussed 'umisa 'lamini’s assertion with many of my women friends, I found out that they preferred his statement, which said that they paid with se[ rather than mine, which said that they sold se[.

I figure out that maybe their acceptance of the former’s statement ('umisa’s) and their vigorous denial of my own similar statement about the very same issue was perhaps premised on the fact that 'umisa’s statement made women look like they are unwilling victims of the se[ trade, while my blunt statement made them look like willing and active perpetrators of the very same trade.

SELLING SEX

What’s the difference anyway? If you pay for se[, then you are also in fact buying se[. 2n the other hand, if you are paying with se[ in some form of a barter deal, then you are also simultaneous selling se[.

This is because of the fact that what you may actually be bartering se[ in e[change for could also just be straightforward hard currency or money, instead of any other things, material or otherwise.

It is only when one focuses on or talks about non-monetary things or favours which women sometimes barter, e[change or trade se[ for that we begin to want to entertain the notion that women just pay with se[ instead of selling it. 2therwise the difference is just the same Whether it would be in e[change for money or in e[change for any other things other than money, se[ would still have been traded or ‘e[changed hands’, so to speak. (ither way, se[ would have been sold

The problem is that our beloved women do not want to accept the fact, or the notion that they actually make men pay for se[ all the time, in one way or the other, when in fact they routinely do e[actly just that every day and in all and every sort of se[ual relationship, be it inside marriage or outside of it.

They also do not want to accede to the fact that the easiest, cheapest and always available soft currency, which they possess or always have naturally and in abundance to paying for those things or favours which they may want or need in life is actually just se[, and se[ alone.

EXCHANGE FOR MONEY

And yet they always routinely, consciously, willingly and sometimes even actively use that se[ currency to pay for the things which they want or need in life. 2ne of those things which women may want or need from time to time is actually just straightforward hard currency or money. Hence, women do sell se[ in e[change for money sometimes. Case closed.

In one of my articles entitled ‘2f men, women and money’ I focused on the different types of men, who would give women money in love relationships and the reasons why these men would give women money in those relationships. Without rewriting that whole article here again, I simply said that there are si[ different types of men who give women money in love relationships.

These are the generous ones, the stingy ones, the foolish or stupid ones, the clever ones, the appreciative ones and the non-appreciative ones. Today, I want to talk about the different types of women who sell se[ or pay for things with se[. )rom the onset, let us please call the act of selling se[ or paying for things with se[ for what it really is, frankly, freely and sTuarely

This act is called prostitution. Hence as far as women who sell se[ or pay for things with se[ is concerned, there are just about si[ categories of such women. And every woman falls into one or more of these si[ categories. Whether she is decently married, in a steady relationship or not, it does not matter, women would always sell se[ or pay for what they want with se[.

There is frank prostitution, subtle prostitution, decent prostitution, indecent prostitution, normal relationship disguised prostitution, and e[tra-relationship disguised prostitution.

In whatever kind or type of relationship a man may find himself in with a woman that man would always pay for se[, one way or the other and that woman would also always pat with se[ or sell se[ to the man, one way or the other, regardless This is an indisputable fact, or just an open secret.

)rank prostitution is just that, frank prostitution. There are no pretences or pretentious preliminaries of any kind in frank prostitution. In frank prostitution, you ask for e[actly what you want and the price thereof, and you also get e[actly just that without any hustles or pretences of any kind at all.

PROSTITUTION

)rank prostitution is what is daily and openly practiced in so called red light districts in our towns and cities. Whether it is legalised or not, it does not matter, frank prostitution still goes on everywhere and every day in this world. 5ight there in our red light districts, you will find skimpily dressed ladies of the night (sometimes even ladies of the day too) plying up and down the streets actively looking to attract and snag willing customers.

When a willing customer approaches or makes contact with a frank prostitute, there is no talk about ‘

Subtle prostitution is almost like frank prostitution e[cept for the fact it may be disguised as just looking for or needing assistance of one form or the other in an undeclared e[change for se[. This is when a woman may ask for a favour from a man and then indirectly or subtly suggests or offers to pay for that favour with se[.

It might be as simple a favour as getting a lift or hike in one’s car, or being assisted with getting a job, paying rent or any other bills, to something like being assisted with hard currency or money for some professed urgent need or cause.

At the end of it, the man will clearly know and understand that the woman needs his help in e[change for se[. If the man is willing and ready to help, then the deal would be sealed and e[ecuted.

8nfortunately, subtle prostitution has been used and abused by some women to blackmail men, especially rich and famous men. This is when these women would then turn around and claim that they were used and abused by the men just because of their vulnerability. Men, please watch out for this se[ual trap

RELATIONSHIP

With decent prostitution, the woman pretends to be in some kind of decent relationship with the man and yet it will all be just for the money. She would even call the man honey, sweetheart and all that, and yet it would all be just for the money. With decent prostitution, having se[ does not always result in money being e[changed there and then, and neither does giving money always result in se[ being given there and then as well.

Se[ would be done or given with the full knowledge, hope, understanding and undeclared undertaking that in future there would the paying up for the given favours either with money or with se[. And so it shall be.

However, with indecent prostitution, although there would also be pretentions of some sort of romantic relationship between the two, there would be no pretentions of any sorts at all about the e[istence of a love relationship between the two. There would not be any e[change of money or se[ without the concomitant or simultaneous paying up by the other party with se[ or money.

allows to occupy his mind will sooner or later determine his speech and his actions. This is the premise behind 3KLOLSSLDQV

and &RORVVLDQV establishing wholesome thought patterns.

6HFRQG &RULQWKLDQV says we should “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.´ These Scriptures give a clear picture of the kind of music we should not listen to. 2bviously, the best kind of music is that which praises and glorifies God. Talented Christian musicians work in nearly every musical genre, ranging from Classical to 5ock, 5ap, and 5eggae. There is nothing inherently wrong with any particular style of music. It is the lyrics that determine whether a song is ‘acceptable’for a Christian to listen to. If anything leads you to think about or get involved in something that does not glorify God, it should be avoided.

ENCOURAGE

“There is (according to Paul) a definite relationship between our knowledge of the %ible and our e[pression of worship in song. 2ne way we teach and encourage ourselves and others is through the singing of the Word of God.

“%ut if we do not know the %ible and understand it, we cannot honestly sing it from our hearts´ writes Warren W. Wieserbe on the meaning of &RORVVLDQV (ngaging in theologically rich music is like choosing to linger in a treasure trove, a room full of precious gems that bring colour and te[ture to the way you value knowing God.

-oining words of faithful teaching to melodies that move us is a way that we can meditate on what is true, and thus allow the holistic work of music to connect our

This is when the supposed girlfriend would only give se[ after being promised to be paid there and then or soon thereafter, and the supposed boyfriend would also only pay up after getting se[, no more, no less In other words, indecent prostitution is a money and se[ based se[ual relationship or partnership. This is the so called friends with benefits relationship

1ormal relationship disguised prostitution is the kind of ‘prostitution’ whereby partners in very normal boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife relationships know, understand, accept and accomplish their se[ual and monetary duties, responsibilities and obligations to each other, and then act likewise in terms of insidiously and seamlessly fulfilling them.

They would do so without being asked, coerced, forced or reminded, but almost like out of their own free volition. And yet it would be e[pected of them to do so.

FINANCIAL RESCUE

)or e[ample, a boyfriend or husband would be e[pected to give his girlfriend money, to buy her things here and there, and to run to her financial rescue as and when needed.

And this, the boyfriend or husband would routinely and naturally do almost on his own accord. 2n the other hand, the girlfriend or wife would also be e[pected to regularly give the boyfriend or husband se[ as and when he needs it, but as if she was just doing it out of love and not out of gratitude for being financially looked after. And yet it would be e[actly out of that gratitude although under the disguise of a really genuine relationship.

The difference between normal or really genuine relationship disguised prostitution and e[tra-relationship disguised prostitution is that in the latter, the actors would already be having their own original, normal or genuine romantic or love relationships, but then they would go on to have secret but similar e[tra-relationship affairs.

These are the so called e[tra-marital affairs in the case of married people, or cheating in the case of unmarried people. 2therwise, the modus operandi and the level and modality of e[pectations of money in e[change for se[ is e[actly the same in both normal genuine relationship disguised prostitution and secret e[tra-relationship disguised prostitution. (nd of story.

heads to our hearts, where true change and transformation takes place. 'avid reflected this when he penned the Psalms.

The story of God’s people is also a story of forgetful people. Music, as seen in the %ible, trains us in the practice of remembering who God is and what he has done.

All throughout the Psalms, and even in the 1ew Testament letters to the church, there are genuine commands and e[altations for God’s people to sing to tell of his wonderful deeds, and thus remind ourselves with the power of song who God is, what he has done, and how he keeps his promises.

“Sing to him, sing praise to him tell of all his wonderful acts´ 3VDOP Telling of his wondrous acts not only is a witness to those around us of God’s greatness, but it is just as much a blessing to us when we use our voices to speak what God has done for us, reminding us of his goodness.

)ar from an obligation, God’s command for us to sing is a gift, uniting the wiring of our minds and hearts to his life-giving instructions that keep us on the road back to him. God calls us to sing praise to the /ord and to sing in his presence. The 1ew Testament affirms this call.

Paul urged the (phesians (and us) to “be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the /ord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the )ather in the name of our /ord -esus Christ´ (SK So let us be encouraged to know God’s will for us in the kind of music we put in our souls because that is who we become.