Always nip it in the bud

Afriend forwarded me a news clip about a wife who filed for divorce because the husband left the toilet seat up. I thought it was a joke; I had to read it again to digest and understand.

At glance I thought it was one of the few hilarious clips or memes I always receive on my phone from social media, let’s just say people are creative out there. Back to the clip, how does a wife reach a decision to file for divorce over such a small thing?

If you have been around like some of us you know that the act of leaving the toilet seat had nothing to do with the divorce; it was long pending. I’m not a psychic but I can tell you this much with my six years’ experience in marriage it’s not always rosy.

I always say marriage is a worthwhile journey if you pick the right person to travel with. If you pick the wrong one it will definitely be a bumpy ride. Like any journey there’re bound to be sharp curves, potholes, sometimes debris on the road, construction, slippery slopes and then smooth sailing. It definitely has its seasons as well.

Back to the clip, the most common mistake we make as human beings in relationships is we never deal with problems right from the start. We cushion problems with the hope that Sipho or Sibongile will change or akhule.

We put bandages on bullet wounds and are surprised when it becomes septic and the only solution is to amputate. We are very good at sweeping things under the carpet and not addressing them there and there. If we don’t sweep it under the rug or face it we look the other away and hope it will sort itself out over time. Although the wife didn’t specify her real reason for filing for divorce, I bet there’s a million more reasons.

For all we know the husband was very untidy and kept leaving his clothes on the floor and socks one by one all over the place. He probably didn’t flush the toilet sometimes after sitting there for a while with his newspaper.

I honestly never understand why; I go there to hide mostly from my children who are a handful. They want to accompany you everywhere you go but let’s move on. He probably left the bread crumbs after making himself a sandwich after she had cleaned the kitchen.

817,',1(66

He probably walked on the wet floor and left marks kani bacedza ku cleaner. He also probably left the toothpaste open after using it, umangele kutsi how difficult or how much effort does it really take to close it. Or worse than his untidiness, he most likely had cheated a few times wabanjwa and always claimed to be a changed man.

He probably had knocked up at least one mistress while he was busy playing the field abe ashadile. I honestly never get a man who chooses to be unfaithful and top of that be reckless and sleep around without using protection in this day and age, but asengce lapho.

He probably was in debt and wasn’t even covering the basics and the wife was forced to secure loans to help around the house kutophileka. For all we know he hadn’t even paid lobola solo agcina ngekushada and promised to come back to her family solo bagadza.

He probably had a baby mama from hell that’s tormenting the poor wife; and she couldn’t take it anymore, hence filed for divorce. The reality is, it takes a lot for a wife to choose to end her marriage. Women are not the weak gender balibamba lishasa at least most of the time. Wives take a lot of unspeakable things from their husbands and meddling in-laws but stay in their marriages. For a wife to take that route usuke sekazame ahlulekile.

I am not saying marriage is easy, its constant work and sacrifices, I’m still learning new things daily. All I am saying is married couples must always try and deal with issues from the onset not when they have hit rock bottom. If it’s an affair deal with it right there, if its debt try and help him to get out of it or save. If he’s untidy ask him nicely to pick up his own clothes and use the laundry bin.

Whatever issues that are a challenge try and deal with them and reach common ground, always remember that these are two individuals trying to coexist. What I’ve learnt is every problem has a solution, try and nip problems in the bud, cracks as small as they may be if left unattended for too long can collapse a house!