Mothers as absent parents
Tview of parenthood has always been perceived from a spectrum of women being the only parent who shows up with men having a track record of being unable to show up and oftentimes failing to hold their end of the stick for decades. In some ways, it has rendered men incapable of raising their children and advocated for women as the best examples of parenting and in many ways the ratio and historic events justify this line of thinking.
In the conversation of women being absent parents, many other discussions come up; such as the fact that the woman carried the child for nine months; the argument that a mother can never abandon her child and that women who are absent mothers are unstable mentally and emotionally and need help.
Result
How fast things have changed and maybe this is a result of the world being ‘fast’ or it is the rebellion of women who have constantly been forced to step up where men are inadequate. Perhaps this is the root cause of the anger women have that drives how they end up reacting to women who are responsible for committing the same crimes or portraying the same behaviours as men. However, no amount of projection should shy away from the fact that mothers are equally responsible for taking care of their children.
The extent in which men have failed to be responsible fathers has dimmed the light from the reality that there are many women who abandon their children. This comes from the fact that there are many mothers who abandon this role and get away with it simply because of the narrative that women can never abandon their children, in fact when women are horrible parents and are unable to meet the emotional and mental needs of the child, it is said they have mental issues.
Concerned
They need mental help, they need therapy, they need support, they need, need and need. No one is concerned about the child when the perpetrator is a mother, everyone makes it about the mother instead of protecting the child, the attention shifts to defending why the mother has put the child in that position.
This reflects on the fact that society is in denial of the fact that women can be absent mothers. Some women get married and dump the children they have outside of that marriage with their mothers and never stop to think of how much the child needs motherly love.
There are many women who take no responsibility of the children they brought into this world. A woman will give birth and send the child to their old mother and go to the city. This so without caring or knowing what the child eats, what they wear and what they do because the parent is never there. Not only abandoning the child, but burdening the old women with the responsibility of taking care of a child that still needs special attention. For example, a 76-year-old will stay with her grandchild in Grade I that still needs help doing laundry sometimes, a child that needs help with homework and reading or even bathing properly on school days.
How is a 76-year-old supposed to manage these responsibilities while the mother gallivants cities or lives a life of luxury with their husband and other children in the suburbs.? An old women relying on merely a E500 grant will have to feed their grandchild and themselves for months on end while both mother and father are alive without sending any money for the child’s needs.
This has created so much room for women who get away with abandoning their children to thrive, the parent that chooses to take no responsibility and is excused by the system. This is the mother. The past few weeks social media has been going against the grid calling out women who do not support their children. Women stood together in outrage on why this is wrong and why this should not be done, the very same women who will not rest until a man dies when held accountable for the same crime.
Where is the justice? If our primary concern is the child as we claim, then we should hold whoever is responsible accountable without prejudice of whether they are the mother or father. In the case that we say that the child is a primary issue then the perpetrator should not be excused based on gender because they have equal expectations and equal responsibility.