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MARIA Erving recently wrote a beautiful article on why we all have a story to tell, but somehow that story has an expiration date.
Ultimately there’s a huge liberation when we realise that we are without past and future, that they only exists in the mind.
This doesn’t happen by willpower, but by realisation and direct experience of the revelation that there is only Now to ever deal with.
To let go of our stories then becomes easy. Not by denial of them, as in self-betrayal, pretending that there are no issues to address, that everything is just fine while bottling things up within yourself. Not by suppressing your feelings and thoughts, but by not indulging in them either.
To not follow thoughts slows the mind down and it gets back in the natural flow again.
Thoughts are not personal, but we have learned (been programmed to) to believe they are important and true, so we obsessively follow them, thinking they will lead to some kind of clarity. They won’t.
They are not personal, but rather ‘things’ that come and go as clouds in the sky, and it’s only when we think we are them, or that they are important somehow, that we get hooked by them and from that it’s just snowballs.
TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS
One thought follows another and we are totally oblivious about the fact that they have nothing to do with the real self at all!
“You can be a victim of your history or a master of your destiny.”
We all have a story. A collection of memories, and events that have shaped our beliefs, perceptions and experiences.
The story we tell ourselves is what has brought us to our current reality, but it may be limiting
us from creating the future that we want.
All my life, I have been a rule follower and a people pleaser. This worked very efficiently for me growing up as I was allowed to do more and was given special opportunities because I obeyed my parents, teachers and superiors, and for the most part, avoided conflict with peers. Recently, I realised this pattern that has gotten me what I wanted all my life is no longer serving me.
To stand out as an entrepreneur and a creative, you often need to break the rules. Choosing that path alone goes against the unwritten rules of conventional society. And being a people pleaser? Well, that now comes at the expense of not pleasing myself.
You see, the story I once used to get what I want is now the exact story that would limit me from doing what I love if I held on to it.
The beautiful thing is, we’re not bound to our stories. Here’s a process you can use to release the stories that are no longer serving you so that you can become a master of your destiny. Many of us don’t even realise the limiting stories we tell ourselves every day.
Before we can craft a new story, we must become aware of the
ones we’re currently attached to. These stories that govern our lives are often held in the subconscious mind so at first, they may not be apparent.
By examining our actions, decisions and perceptions we can begin to uncover these beliefs and patterns and bring them to our conscious awareness.
What do you affirm to yourself daily? Why? What excuses do you use? Why? What are you afraid of ? Why? What do you believe you are unworthy of ? Why? Journal about it. Meditate on it. Ask “why?” again and again until you get to the root of your story.
After identifying the stories you are telling yourself, you may, like me, realise there are some that are holding you back from achieving what you want.
ATTACHMENT
To move past the limits of your current story, you must release your attachment to it. It’s time to free your life of all the things binding you to that story.
This could be as simple as deleting old social media posts that you no longer want to be defined by, or as heart-wrenching, as distancing yourself from friends that support the habits you are trying to break away from.
Whatever it is (objects, people,
beliefs, judgments, habits, etc.), thank it for serving you until this point and peacefully say goodbye to it. The weight you feel lifted off when you let go of the things that no longer align with you is incredible.
It’s one thing to identify your stories and mentally let go of them, but the real magic happens when you shift your actions. Get clear on what it is you want and make a conscious effort to take actions aligned with your new story.
What new habits can you form? What new affirmations can you put in place? What new mentors can you seek out? Keep in mind, you don’t have to re-write your entire story overnight.
Start with one part, maybe the part that is most unaligned and take small, consistent actions to change it. Then move on to the next part.
As you continue to do this, momentum will build up and it will become easier. Big shifts are made up of small, consistent actions.
What’s important to remember is that you are not your upbringing. You’re not your circumstances. You’re not a victim of your history. You’re the author of your future and the master of your destiny.