Overcoming rejection, regaining confidence

Wpast or present, we all have very long and winding personal stories that are made up of or are about our experiences with rejection. Some of these are very sad and emotionally traumatising accounts of betrayal, neglect and ostracisation that family, friends and society in general have psycho-emotionally inflicted on their very own for different reasons, consequently, contributing to the growth of a bitter, emotionally frustrated generation of people.

For others, the hurdle of handling rejection is one that is too gross to overcome leaving the individual stuck in a ‘mental rot’ of self-degradation and lack of general belief in their own abilities. This not only speaks to how vast in emotional damages something that appears so mildly significant as this does in the grand scheme of everyday life proceedings but also, to the fact that it is a tangible challenge that many people struggle to mentally overcome, think past and eventually recover from.

From childhood, our innate naivety is our biggest and most influential guide to how we see things, how we act based on what we see and most importantly how we interpret the world around as a psychological biproduct of that. This means our young minds possess a vulnerability to absorb pretty much every experience it deems personal and attach an interpretation it sees fit to explain that particular experience.

Using that as our backdrop, experiencing rejection and being on the receiving end of any form of neglect does have the ability to eat away at an individual, especially if it is from a young age. What this does is, consistently ‘plant seedlings’ of self-doubt and self-loathing whilst asking numerous of questions of their own self-belief and abilities; all of which collude to become a component in the overall makeup of that individual.

Trauma

The emotional trauma that comes with the realisation that you were made once made to feel repulsive, not recognised and somewhat marginalised - be it by the high school football team that did not pick you for the team after trying numerous times for a spot or the countless job applications that do not call back- is one that many people spend the rest of their lives attempting to brush aside and recover from, however, that mental deprogramming process is hardly that easy.

Unfortunately, other people choose to show how difficult it is for them to process rejection by overacting in their relationships, for instance. They choose to be over-reliant on the presence of their partner (in fear that they might leave them) and the whole relationship begins to hinge on that. This is why the moment the partner calls the relationship off or even suggests that, it is very easy for that person to ‘lose it’ and act in a very savage manner such as even taking their partners’ life out anger, rage, disappointment, jealousy and ultimately, the realisation that they are not good enough.

Voice

Even though sometimes, it may appear as something that is very passive and insignificant, the little voice that keeps reiterating ‘you are not good enough’ is very loud in the personal ears of a lot of us and it remains a psychological hindrance for lot of people across the population. It is however, vital to remember that not all what you think of yourself is true and therefore sometimes all you need is to redirect, rearrange and alternatively those thoughts toward the achievement of something more positive.

I keep saying, pursue that career and apply for that job, pursue that lady until she gives you her number; basically chase what you want until you achieve it as that will go a long way in rewiring your thought processes about yourself.

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