10 Things You Must Keep In Mind

Fiji Sun - - Sun Spectrum - Dr Nisha Khanna Feed­back: jy­otip@fi­jisun.com.fj

High school is a dif­fi­cult enough time with­out all the drama of ro­mance. As ex­cit­ing high school re­la­tion­ships may be, they can be con­fus­ing and frus­trat­ing as well.

Be­cause there are def­i­nite do’s and don’ts in­volved, we’ve col­lated ad­vice given from fel­low stu­dents, par­ents, grand­par­ents and re­la­tion­ship ex­perts to help you out. Here are 10 things you have to keep in mind in your high school re­la­tion­ship!

1 Un­der­stand the dif­fer­ence be­tween love and in­fat­u­a­tion

“The youth makes the mis­take of mis­un­der­stand­ing in­fat­u­a­tion for love,” A grand­fa­ther of six tells us. Re­la­tion­ship ex­pert Dr Nisha Khanna agrees and adds that “In­fat­u­a­tion fades with the pas­sage of time”.

At this age, not ev­ery re­la­tion­ship is true love; make sure you’re not too quick to say that you’re ‘in love’ with some­one.

2 Take it slow

Build­ing on the first point, don’t rush into your re­la­tion­ship im­me­di­ately. Dr Khanna says that peo­ple should “go slow and steady” when get­ting into re­la­tion­ships in high school.

“Start with a friend­ship. Spend time to­gether do­ing dif­fer­ent ac­tiv­i­ties, and when you’re com­fort­able and you’ve set­tled down, then think about a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship.”

3 Don’t get emo­tion­ally sucked up in the re­la­tion­ship

An im­por­tant piece of ad­vice from Dr Khanna warns teenagers against emo­tion­ally in­vest­ing them­selves too much. “Teenagers try to harm them­selves be­cause of their part­ners.” You have to un­der­stand that you are a per­son be­yond just their part­ner, and you mustn’t let your re­la­tion­ship/part­ner’s prob­lems af­fect you deeply. “Avoid mak­ing some­one else your hap­pi­ness,” she said.

4 Think re­ally care­fully be­fore you get phys­i­cal

You must think re­ally care­fully be­fore you de­cide to get phys­i­cal with any­one. Have a chat about it with your part­ner- they should be ma­ture enough to voice and un­der­stand any con­cerns you have about this, but don’t rush into any­thing. As a wise grand­mother told us “You have your en­tire life for re­la­tion­ships, and this age won’t come back. There is no rush!”

5 It’s okay to say “no”

And to hear no, ac­cord­ing to Dr Khanna, “Ac­cept that the other per­son has the right to say no.

“Ev­ery­one has a dif­fer­ent per­cep­tion and you can’t ex­pect your part­ner to have the same thoughts as you.” Don’t be scared of ex­press­ing your con­cerns about any­thing in your re­la­tion­ship, and don’t be of­fended when your part­ner does the same, you need to be ma­ture enough to han­dle it.

6 Com­mit­ment at this age doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily last

A fa­ther of two girls says that, “at this age you’re com­mit­ted to be­ing vul­ner­a­ble to each other, but it doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily mean that you’re com­mit­ted to be­ing mar­ried.

“You’re just dis­cov­er­ing your­self at this point and learn­ing what you want; it’s like train­ing.

“So don’t start mak­ing your wed­ding plans the sec­ond you think that it may be get­ting se­ri­ous. “You never know what can hap­pen, and that’s part of life.”

7 Com­mu­ni­ca­tion and un­der­stand­ing is im­por­tant

You might have heard the phrase, “com­mu­ni­ca­tion is key.”

In high school re­la­tion­ships, some­times com­mu­ni­cat­ing with your part­ner is dif­fi­cult amidst all the friends and ru­mours that may be go­ing around. But you need to talk to your part­ner about your thoughts and un­der­stand what they think and feel as well.

8 Don’t let them pres­sure you into any­thing

“[Stu­dents] should not in­dulge or force their part­ner to en­gage sex­ual ac­tiv­i­ties.” An im­por­tant point raised by Shivani Misri Sad­hoo.

It’s easy to get pres­sured into do­ing things at this age, es­pe­cially when your part­ner comes into ques­tion. It can be dif­fi­cult, but al­ways stand your ground.

If your part­ner tries to pres­sure you into do­ing some­thing you’re not com­fort­able with, then they’re not the one for you!

9 Don’t fall, rise!

The grand­fa­ther tells us, “If your re­la­tion­ship is good, you won’t fall in love, you will rise!”

Don’t let your re­la­tion­ship ever be some­thing that brings you down and stops you from grow­ing as a per­son and be­ing your­self. A mother of two cor­rob­o­rates with this say­ing

“If you do fall for some­one, it should be an up­lift­ing re­la­tion­ship.”

10 You don’t have to be in one!

Avni Kataria, the Pres­i­dent of the Stu­dent Coun­cil in a Bri­tish School tells us that, “There is a lot of pres­sure on stu­dents to be in a re­la­tion­ship, that’s part of the deal.But you don’t have to be in one!”

And we agree, it isn’t an obli­ga­tion.” As Shivani Misri Sad­hoo says, “Stu­dents should never miss their fo­cus from stud­ies and ca­reer goals.”

There’s more to life than dat­ing!

You must think re­ally care­fully be­fore de­cid­ing to get phys­i­cal with any­one. There is no rush!

It’s very im­por­tant to take things slow in a high school re­la­tion­ship.

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