Cre­ate stable fam­ily life

Fiji Sun - - Comment - Feed­back: jy­otip@fi­jisun.com.fj

Nas­inu Our life from child­hood to adulthood is both a so­ci­o­log­i­cal and bi­o­log­i­cal de­vel­op­ment and peo­ple need to un­der­stand those changes that take place as they grow up.

Our feel­ing, un­der­stand­ing, ex­pec­ta­tion, think­ing, de­sire, am­bi­tion, ba­sic needs and ed­u­ca­tional sta­tus be­gins to change dras­ti­cally as age pro­gresses. There­fore, we should be pre­pared to make nec­es­sary ad­just­ments in life­style ac­cord­ingly. When you are sin­gle, your way of liv­ing is dif­fer­ent. But life dur­ing mar­riage needs cer­tain ad­just­ments for a suc­cess­ful, stable, peace­ful, pro­gres­sive and a happy life.

A lot of the char­ac­ter­is­tics of a per­son, be it neg­a­tive or pos­i­tive, are de­pen­dent upon how you han­dle life as mar­ried cou­ples or in a fam­ily en­vi­ron­ment. As a cou­ple, both of you can make life bright - like a bou­quet of flow­ers - and turn them into thorns. When you plan to have a child it gives a feel­ing of huge ex­pec­ta­tions but you should first be pre­pared in ad­vance to en­ter par­ent­hood be­fore an in­fant makes en­try on earth. Be­fore be­com­ing a par­ent, be ready to make the sec­ond stage of ad­just­ments be­cause nine months be­fore child birth and af­ter­wards can be­come a bit stress­ful. This is es­pe­cially true for those who do not know how to han­dle par­ent­hood prop­erly A mother will un­dergo pre-natal, post­na­tal de­pres­sion and if both are not sup­port­ive dur­ing this pe­riod, they will ex­pe­ri­ence dif­fi­culty in chang­ing life­styles then it can cause dis­tur­bance in life. Un­der such cir­cum­stances, an in­no­cent child be­comes the vic­tim when and it is re­ally sad to wit­ness such in­ci­dents. Teenage preg­nan­cies are a mat­ter of con­cern in our coun­try and the younger gen­er­a­tions are not giv­ing a se­ri­ous thought be­fore ven­tur­ing into par­ent­hood dur­ing such a young age. When im­me­di­ate fam­ily mem­bers are not sup­port­ive to­wards teenagers as par­ents, it can af­fect the sin­gle par­ent or child. Life can be­come quite un­bear­able. There is re­ally no need and be called par­ents at such a young age in­stead re­ceive ap­pro­pri­ate ed­u­ca­tion, gain ad­e­quate skills, get a suit­able job, earn a rea­son­able in­come first and be able to pro­vide ba­sic ne­ces­si­ties of life. Once you feel com­fort­able enough to stand on your own feet, it would then be wise to plan mar­riage and par­ent­hood. When you’re with some­one, you need to un­der­stand each other well and deal with is­sues in a tac­ti­cal, cool, calm, and col­lec­tive man­ner. No two peo­ple are alike. Cou­ples will have dif­fer­ences in cer­tain ar­eas like in­ter­ests, habits, char­ac­ters and in other ar­eas.

There­fore, the chal­lenge for both to have a work­able re­la­tion­ship is to make con­ces­sions if both are not com­pat­i­ble.

Chan­dra Prakash Singh (JP),

Never get into ar­gu­ments that can be­come vol­canic in nature but a con­trol­ling mech­a­nism should im­me­di­ately be ap­plied. Do not ever speak vul­gar words and curse at any­one be­cause such ac­tions will sooner or later make you pay a heavy price for such deeds. Violence of any nature to­wards any­one can be avoided if cool heads and there is di­a­logue to solve the prob­lem. Whether one is il­lit­er­ate or has high in­tel­lec­tual ca­pac­ity, no one is too high to learn, no­body is too low to learn. We all need to learn to un­der­stand things to make it bet­ter.

Violence is like a car ra­di­a­tor that has a mech­a­nism of cool­ing down. Oth­er­wise when it heats up, it can in­flict se­vere in­jury in life and leave a life­time scar. Re­sort­ing to violence to­wards males, fe­males and chil­dren will not earn re­spect, make a per­son rich, pow­er­ful in so­ci­ety, cre­ate a feel­ing of pride and in no way im­prove your stan­dard of liv­ing. Any sort of violence can be avoided if we cul­ti­vate spir­i­tual knowl­edge, self con­trol, tran­quil­lity, aver­sion of fault find­ing, com­pas­sion, gen­tle­ness, free­dom from envy and ac­ti­vate a con­trol­ling mech­a­nism. Do­mes­tic dis­putes can end trag­i­cally and it can be avoided if one party makes an ef­fort to con­trol their anger. With­draw from a hos­tile sit­u­a­tion and ob­serves only one minute of sen­si­ble think­ing.

There is a zero tol­er­ance pol­icy in Fiji re­gard­ing do­mes­tic violence and pun­ish­ments which are se­vere if the mat­ter goes be­fore Courts. There are al­ways av­enues to set­tle petty mat­ters that can turn volatile and when cer­tain is­sues reach ex­treme stages. It can de­stroy a fam­ily and dras­ti­cally af­fect chil­dren’s health, ed­u­ca­tion and fu­ture. Do­mes­tic dis­putes can also end lives of fam­ily mem­bers (adults/chil­dren) and also de­stroy dwelling houses/be­long­ings. Un­der such cir­cum­stances no one is on the gain­ing side but there is only de­struc­tion and dark fu­ture. Do not at all al­low a prob­lem to reach a stage when one ends up in hos­pi­tal, the other in jail, homes de­stroyed, chil­dren dis­placed and ev­ery­thing comes to an end. There are in­sti­tu­tions that can pro­vide coun­selling, re­solve dis­putes, change mind set, turn things clock­wise if you feel that your fam­ily is ex­pe­ri­enc­ing a break­down sit­u­a­tion. Do not feel shy or un­easy about dis­cussing cer­tain mat­ters with rel­e­vant au­thor­i­ties or re­spectable persons in so­ci­ety and it can re­move any stress­ful sit­u­a­tions and make a com­plete turn around in life. We are blessed to be born as hu­mans and can in­volve our­selves in mean­ing­ful ac­tiv­i­ties. So is there re­ally a need to make you or your fam­ily mis­er­able, un­easy, hor­ri­ble and full of re­grets?

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