Steer your relationship Change has to start with you
IF you’ve been thinking about “it”, then it’s probably time to do “it”. So is the new season beckoning you in a new direction? Have you thought about the script of what your first page might look like? Which rooms are you thinking of refurbishing and redecorating in your life? Is there something you’d like to change in your personal life or is it a personal relationship you feel is in urgent need of repair and a makeover? Granted, the makeover may be far from easy and only God and you know how uncomfortable it has been. And if it’s becoming a habitual life raft where things feel better left unsaid because of the friction and fireworks on board the relationship, then you know a search and rescue mission is what’s needed to steer your relationship back into the happiness of calm waters. And how good would it be to reignite the temperature of past passions? Oh, how you wish for those heady days when there was so much freedom, fun and frolicking. Remember when you used to send unspoken signals to each other just by speaking with your eyes? Wishing won’t bring it back. And neither will the cold shoulder treatment. If you’re serious about beginning that new chapter, here’s a question – what is it you’re wanting to begin or change and how important will it be for the both of you? And how much of that change has to do with changing yourself? Yeah, I get it. Most of us looking for changes in a personal relationship think it’s more about the change that needs to happen in our partner’s life, right! Sorry to burst your bubble. Change has to start with you. You are the change that needs to happen in your relationship. “But you have no idea the s@#tstorm I’m having to put up with everytime.” The time has come to bite the bullet and smash through that iron curtain that’s been holding you back from enjoying a positive fulfilling relationship of fun and freedom. So how would you like 2023 to pan out for you? Would you like a fresh new start in your relationship? Maybe you’d like to land a new job, start a new business venture, change your address, go overseas, start a new hobby? Or maybe you’d like to begin a healthy eating and fitness regime or kick a bad habit or an addiction? Or, is it a spiritual journey or missionary project you’re thinking of embarking upon?
Are you willing to give it a really good shake with everything you’ve got? But you say you don’t have the know how to make the change or maybe you need some extra cash to invest in that project you’ve been dreaming about? Or maybe you think you’re not qualified enough, or you feel you don’t have the talent or the ability to start something new or make anything of yourself? Maybe you didn’t finish school so you feel you can’t compete with people who have better qualifications than you. Or is it because you’ve suffered so many failures and setbacks its knocked the stuffing out of you? Just because someone has a higher qualification or a degree doesn’t mean it’ll open the door to success. Everyone has their own unique skillset, gifts, talents and abilities that make them different from everyone else. There’ll never be another one like you to walk this earth ever again. You’re it. And you don’t need to walk in anyone’s shadow. Sometimes, because of a rough ride and a few crashes along the rocky road in the journey of life, some of us can feel like broken pieces of chinaware. But we don’t need all the king’s horses and all the king’s men to put us back together again. I didn’t finish high school so I couldn’t get into university like many of my family and friends. At the time when I was around 17, I was involved in a near fatal car accident with one of my best friends who was driving. The head and facial injuries I suffered in that accident also caused a slight disability. I wasn’t aware of it at the time but I had what’s called, ABI or acquired brain injury. I always seemed to have trouble remembering and retrieving certain kinds of information. So I felt bitterly disappointed. What’s more, I had no idea how to navigate all of the conflicting, confusing emotions of feeling the loss of not being able to study law and become a barrister like my dad. So I internalised all of my grief and disappointment and threw away the key. But a time came when I had to bite the bullet and pick up the pieces of my life and begin looking at ways of glueing it back together again.
Then to begin painting my own life canvas with all the broken pieces dangling like misfits around me was a challenging project. I started with one piece at a time. My first break came when I started as a trainee copywriter at Radio Fiji. It’s here where I began the process of learning how to write and create radio commercials. As my training progressed with some outstanding teachers my confidence began to grow. It was when I decided to introduce something a little different into my repertoire. I began using my guitar playing skills to write singing commercials or what’s commonly called, jingles in the advertising trade. Then, when our family migrated to Australia in 1983, I used my jingle writing and production skills to land a job in Melbourne radio. What an awesome trip that turned out to be. And as fortune would have it, I was blessed to work for some of the leading Radio stations in Melbourne. But breaking into Australian radio was a real challenge. I got heaps of knock backs to begin with. And for a while I felt like giving up and coming back to Fiji.
But my beautiful wife kept encouraging me. What’s interesting is, one of the places I received my first knock back from also turned out to be the place I landed my first job. From there, every opportunity I got to increase my skillset, I grabbed. It was daunting working in a whole new environment where the competition was fierce as it was fast and frantic. But I kept adding to my skill-set by reading lots of good books, going to training seminars and keeping my ears open to learning from people who had tons of wisdom to share. The books and life lessons became my university and I experimented with a host of different ideas. If something didn’t work I looked for another route. In my quest to learn, I did lots of research. Researching gave me an edge and taught me a heap of new skills and ideas. I also learned to be inquisitive about how others were succeeding in their craft or in their relationship. Then I would trial the concept and see if it would work for me. Sometimes it worked and sometimes I failed. Failure came many times. At times, it affected my confidence and self-esteem. But looking back, it was definitely worth it because the challenges forced me to make the changes I needed to make in the different areas of my personal and professional life. But there’s one area I came to understand that became the magical key to countless other areas of my life. And that key was in the area of my personal relationship with my wife and with God.
I received lots of encouragement from different people. Plus the ancient wisdom of proverbs in the Bible was a source of great strength and encouragement. One of the lessons I learned was – to make wine, grapes have to be crushed. To make olive oil, olives need to be crushed. There were many times when I felt crushed and wanted to give up the fight. But in those crushing moments I realised I was being refined in the fiery furnace of life to help shape, sharpen and mould my character and my skill-set. But looking back, the fiery furnace of refinements and experiments turned out to be priceless. They taught me how to sharpen my skillset so that I became one of the best in my field. All of the experiences I gained from Fiji and Australia provided me with the tools to begin developing a sales system featuring a new but simple relationship building tool. I’ve been trialling that tool for just over 10 years at the coalface of selling. Might sound like a long time, but for me it was more about refining the tool to a point where anyone can learn and use the simple steps in a short time and succeed in the area of professional sales. My entire methodology is built on the foundation of ethics and trust. Even though I have a small learning disability, I’ve never allowed it to become a hindrance or a handicap. In fact, it’s encouraged me to become better. So can you, despite where you’re at and with whatever you’re struggling with. Just bite the bullet and keep pushing ahead. And surround yourself with positive people who’re willing to push you to succeed. And if you believe in God, commit your plans to Him and ask for His guidance and blessing. Proverbs 16:3.
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