At what cost?
Stand up and speak against abuse
THOUSANDS of people hit the little ‘share’ button on their smartphone screens, angered at the undue pain of a child, and calling for an end to her torture.
But in calling for the world to stop the child’s hurt, they immortalised it.
Having your crimes against a child laid bare, immortalised on video; your family, friends, neighbours, able to see your worst self at the click of a button can be awfully isolating. Having the entire nation enraged at your actions is terrifying.
“Well deserved,” you might say, and I wouldn’t fight you on that.
But while the video might compel society to make positive changes in child protection laws and allow the courts to punish the perpetrator for his crimes, what it could do to the child?
Founder of mental health NGO Mending Minds Fiji, Prem Singh says in cases of child abuse, a viral video can lead to ‘re-victimisation’.
“The survivor may face ridicule, victim-blaming, and insensitive comments from online audiences,” she explained.
“The loss of privacy is significant too. The video exposes intimate details of the survivor’s suffering, making it difficult to heal and move forward.”
University of the South Pacific academic in the field of cognitive psychology, Dr Annie Crookes added that “studies show that it also enhances the sense of guilt and shame for the victim, even if comments are all showing outrage at what happened to them.”
“The constant re-experiencing of the event through media posts means that the victim’s sense of victimisation and vulnerability are upheld, so they are unable to move on.”
The existence of the video can be just as isolating and terrifying to the survivor.
While the intentions of many keyboard warriors might have been pure and founded in the hope that large scale public outcry would help, I couldn’t settle my mind without knowing if it truly could, and if so, at what cost.
According to Dr Crookes, media coverage of such cases may help raise awareness, create public pressure for change, and may also help build an understanding of all the safety issues that need to be considered.
“And to some extent it may help a society reflect on the norms, language and traditions which could be problematic.”
“Although that last one, while important for real long-term change, it is much harder to do.”
But what decides the difference between outcry isolated to media forums and outcry that brings real world change?
“It depends on how the media coverage is actually done. What is the focus of the coverage,” said Dr Crooks.
Pretending the issue is an isolated incident does nobody any real good. While it might be comforting in some way, to think this abuser was a particularly vile and evil person — and that the issue is over with them being put behind bars, this hinders true change.
We read of the closure of a case we’ve rallied for and find our peace. We’ve done our good deed for the day.
But in that moment we forget the dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands more children being harmed, not by the hand of some evil stranger we saw on a video once but by the people we know.
The person on the video was just that, a person, a relative, a neighbour, a friend, a partner. What do we do when we find that someone we know has been hurting their child?
Do we stand by and watch? Do we justify their actions by calling it tough love, or justify our inaction by our fear of repercussions?
You may say “I can’t report my own family member”, “It’s none of my business how my neighbour disciplines their children” or “It’s just these kids these days, they don’t respect their elders, can’t do anything else to teach them.”
But where is the line drawn between discipline and abuse?
“Parents, caregivers and educators must understand that disciplining a child involves teaching, guiding, using positive communication techniques and appropriate languages to encourage positive behaviours and rules to promote self-control, order and moral development,” Ms Singh said.
“When we discipline children, we aim to teach them how to behave appropriately, how to use life skills and how to comprehend right from wrong.
“Positive discipline focuses on teaching rather than punishing and it aims to shape positive behaviour patterns in children.”
Having your child submit to your rules through the threat of violence does not teach them right from wrong, it teaches them fear. A fear they will likely carry into their adulthood along with a sampling from the endless list of long-term physical, mental, and behavioural issues caused by abuse.
If seeing it on your phone screen angered you, be just as outraged when you come across it in person. It was not an isolated incident.
“It does not matter whether you suspect a child is being abused or you have concrete evidence that abuse is taking place or has occurred — you play a very crucial role in reporting any case of child abuse — even suspected ones,” Mrs Singh said.
“You can help save a child’s life.” Large scale societal change towards better protections for children is our collective responsibility, and it does not have to come at the cost of a viral video.