Greetings,

Only got a few days in the ravishing Ville Lumière? This lulu of a city is understandably regarded as the most beautiful in all Europe, but while she can be sweet and coquettish, she can also be a snooty grande dame. We've taken her over our knee and she's promised to behave. So crack open a bottle, it's champagne time for Loulou.

Overview

Walkable and amazingly compact, Paris is divided into twenty districts, all spiralling out like an escargot from the central 1st. The Seine river bisects the city, with the ‘right bank' being north and the ‘left bank' being south. And that's really all you need to know...

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Have your concierge's number on you at ALL times Excepting Fashion Week, there is no bad time to visit Paris, but bear in mind that during peak spring season the city is swamped and for the whole month of August the entire population goes on holiday, or so it seems CDG to town: around 45 mins / € 55 by cab; 30 mins / € 9,75 by RER train; or 45-60 mins / € 10 with Roissybus Even locals carry the fab little red LeConte Plan de Paris métro/maps all-in-one. Pick it up at any news kiosk Taxis can be hailed on the street, but you may have a wait Friendly cab drivers are as rare as friendly waiters The métro is excellent for longer journeys, buy a one-week ‘Navigo' pass, or a ‘carnet' of ten tickets The handy Vélib bike scheme has stations every 300m – € 1,70/day, € 8/week via credit card + PIN / velib.paris.fr Un peu de politesse, chéri – bid bonjour and au revoir Shops, services and restaurants generally close on Sunday, so use this day for museums and activities Avoid lines at museums by booking tickets in advance Smoking is forbidden in cafés, restos, bars, clubs and hotels, but anything goes on outdoor terraces Book way ahead for the city's best tables, although lunch is often a good deal and much easier to secure. It's also a chance to splurge on Michelin stars at just a fraction of the cost of dinner. Bon appétit! Service is always included, but leave a small tip by rounding up to the nearest euro or two The ground floor is the ‘rez-de-chaussée' or RDC Take care, Parisian loos have timed switches that can leave you scrabbling in the dark in your knicks Coffee: café is espresso, allongé is long espresso and café crème (not café au lait) is coffee with milk The int'l dialling code for Paris is +33 1, all local calls begin with 01 and mobiles with 06. To call emergency from a cell phone dial 112

Start with these French phrases...

Bonjour / Au revoir : Good morning / Toodle-oo S'il vous plaît / Merci : Please / Thanks a bunch Merde, alors! : I seem to have stepped in something nasty

voilà... on y va les enfants...