She treats me like an option
Dear Minerva,
I am a girl and I am 19 years old.
I am one of seven siblings and I have always felt even from small that I never got any comfort or love from my mom; she treats me like an option. I feel like I’m nobody to her. I am a very religious person, but I also love to dance I have a natural talent in dance, but I have never had the opportunity to use it.
I do endless housework, yet I am never free to go anywhere. When I was younger the answer was always no. Now that I don’t have to ask, I am abused, accused of wanting to go and find men and threatened with eviction.
Minerva, I am a very soft person. I don’t like people yelling at me. Sometimes I may not cry but it really hurts me. One thing she keeps telling me over and over that I just can’t forget is that she has three daughters and if I died she will still have two. I have tried my best to forget that but it just keeps spinning in my head.
Whenever I ask her to buy clothes for me, she always pretends she didn’t hear me; she won’t answer me. I don’t even have proper clothes to wear. I am wearing clothes that I have had over five years now.
If I sit with my sisters, she would call them and give them work to do. If I laugh a little she would start insulting me. If I sit outside in the backyard on the ground, it’s because I’m looking out for some man. If I sit in my room she starts insulting me again. Minerva it’s like I can never find peace.
I love her so much but she never gives me a chance to show it to her. She spends most of her time with my two little sisters; she would buy anything they ask her for. I am never jealous of my sisters, whatever mom buys for them I’m just so happy for them. I love them so much, I always like seeing smiles on their faces.
Mom is a vendor and every day I go and help her. I keep asking her to buy clothes for me but she never says yes she will. I see so many beautiful jeans and tops but those aren’t there for me. I am crying at the moment while writing to you. I really wish someone could understand how I’m feeling. I do not have anyone to share my sorrows with. I try to tell my sisters but they don’t know exactly how I’m feeling, because mom doesn’t treat them the way she treats me.
I have tried to commit suicide numerous times. Most of the time I am alone and all I do is cry. Sometimes when she insults me, she would stop talking to me for 2 to 3 months.
My dad hears everything she tells me but he can’t say anything because she would start using indecent words against him. I love my dad too much. He is a very good man.
Another thing is that she insists that I cook in the afternoons. She makes no effort to cook or do anything in the house. I usually do it, but if one day I say I am not able, she insults me. What hurts is that often, very little of the food is used and the rest is thrown out the next morning.
I don’t know what I should do. I have no close family to stay with and I feel like nothing is going to work - my life was meant to be like this. I want to end my life. I can’t take this anymore. I am really hurt. . Hurt
Dear Hurt, Unfortunately, many people do not realise how deeply and horribly words can wound, but regardless of how awful it seems to be now, taking your life should never be considered.
You are not alone. Please contact the suicide prevention helpline on telephone numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 223-0818; Cellphone – 600-7896, 6234444; via email at guyagency@yahoo.com; by Bbm pin 2BE55649, 2BE56020 or on Whatsapp – 592-600-7896 592-623-4444. In addition the agency is on Twitter @guyanaagency and FaceBook – Guyana Interagency Suicide Prevention Help Line. There will be someone there you can talk with, who may help you to think of or find resources you never knew were available to assist you.
Your situation sounds like a particularly difficult one, but the fact that you have been able to withstand it all this time is testimony to how strong you are as a person. Your strength gave you the courage to send this letter to me. Use it now to contact the helpline, where you will be counselled and where they can possibly help with an intervention on your behalf.