We argue a lot

Dear Minerva,

I am a 17-year-old girl. I’ve been dating a 19-year-old guy for 2 years now.

We met in secondary school. Our relationship is like any other relationship with ups and downs.

For some time now, I find that we are arguing a lot. I constantly accuse him of cheating on me because of his behaviour and because my friends saw him on different occasions with a girl.

He doesn’t want me to check his phone. I cannot run through his pictures. He doesn’t want me to have his passwords and this bothers me a lot. I feel if we’re in a relationship nothing should be private between us. Yes, I trust him but lately I find myself confused.

Another problem is that my parents don’t know about him but my sister and cousins know him. I’ve met most of his family, I even go to visit sometimes and he is begging to meet mine, but I am scared to introduce him to meet my parents. They are like the world’s strictest parents. I really need your help. Confused and scared

Dear Confused and scared, Let me respond to the most important thing first. You have been lying to your parents for two years? This is not good and you need to fix it. No matter how strict you think they are, they deserve the truth. Though I rather suspect they may have an idea and are probably waiting for you to tell them.

I do not know where you got the idea that you have a right to check your boyfriend’s phone, run through his photos and demand his passwords. You do not. If you are allowing him to do that to you, put a stop to it right now. There is such a thing as privacy and it Dear Minerva, I am a 16-year-old girl who does not know what to do. I have a boyfriend who is 17 and another boyfriend who is 26 and is a lawyer.

I really like them both. The lawyer is a kind-hearted man, whose heart I do not want to break but he has another girlfriend also. The other one goes to my school and he treats me well also.

My little sister told me to leave the lawyer because he is a big man and she is always right, but I don’t want to. I’m afraid to lose both of them. Please help me.

Scared

Dear Scared, Of course your little sister is right, but only partially so. I would go further must be respected on both sides.

If you are constantly accusing him of dating other girls and your friends, who have no reason to lie to you are seeing him with another girl on different occasions, then how can you trust him? You cannot, so stop kidding yourself. It is because you do not trust him that you want to go through his phone. If you trusted him, the thought of snooping through his phone would never even cross your mind.

So here’s the thing, you should not even be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust. Relationships are built on honesty and trust; it is possibly because your relationship lacks these qualities that the two of you are arguing a lot. and tell you to lose them both and try and fall in love with your studies. There are huge benefits to doing this: 1) You will not be heartbroken; 2) You will not get into any trouble; and 3) You are likely to do well at your exams which will be good for you in the long run.

That aside, it’s a bad idea to have a boyfriend at 16; it’s worse when you have two. Then there is a 10-year age difference between you and this older guy, you can have nothing in common with him.

Finally, it’s hard to imagine how you can break the heart of someone who already has a girlfriend – not possible. So go ahead and leave him – leave them both. You will be doing yourself a lot of good.