I am not who everyone thinks I am

Dear Minerva, I am a 26-year-old woman with a big secret – I am a fraud!!! Minerva, I am a very popular person. I have so many friends that I sometimes do not have time for myself. I am a businesswoman and I have no children – so no responsibilities. I could be out every night if I want to but I don’t because I am sometimes very tired.

People like me, but yet I have never had a real relationship. It gets me down sometimes when I think about it. The problem is that with all the friends I have, I really am not that close with any particular person so I have no one to tell my problems to. It’s because I don’t really trust people – male or female.

I laugh a lot when I am in public – I make those around me laugh also and for that reason people assume that I am happy, but when I am alone I eat and cry a lot. As a result, I am chunky. I pretend that I am dieting and so forth, but my friends don’t know what happens behind closed doors – that is why I said I am a fraud.

I want to change, Minerva, honestly I do. But how do I get people to love rather than like me and how do I start trusting people? Please help!!! Worried

Dear Worried, I would suggest that you see a counsellor. It is unusual for someone not to trust anyone at all. So there must be a reason why you are that way. It is likely because there are issues in your past. There is baggage that you need to discard and you will probably only be able to do that with professional help.

It is possible that there are people in your very wide circle who already love you, but you can neither see nor feel it because you really are not allowing anyone to get close enough to you. What is also evident is that you don’t love yourself – you are not taking care of yourself.

You are friendly, but superficial and frankly it’s unhealthy. It’s why you feel unhappy and seek solace in food. And since that has become a habit you will need to really work at it to change; it’s usually twice as difficult to change behaviours we think the world cannot see.

The good thing about this is that you can recognise that a problem exists and that you want to change. Try the helplines in your telephone book, someone may be able to direct you where to go or perhaps even offer you the help you nedd.