He is threatening me
Dear Minerva, I am a 17-year-old girl with a big problem. There is this guy I know who is 18. I honestly feel like I am not ready for a relationship and I am not about to allow anyone to pressure me or anything.
I have made it quite clear to him about how I feel and he said he understood and asked if we could be friends. I agreed and for about a month everything was good. But then slowly this guy started to crowd me. He popped up in my church and struck up a relationship with my family – they like him, because he is clever he never appears to be paying any attention to me when family members are around.
Now he is everywhere and always in my face. I would not have minded if he just wanted to be a family friend but he messages me every day, several times a day. At first, I tried to be polite and answer him but then it became too much and I decided that I would not answer if I did not want to be bothered. But it got worse. He is now messaging me as if we are a couple and threatening to harm himself if I stop ‘loving’ him.
Minerva, it was never at that stage and I am very worried. I told him many times that he’s no more than a friend to me and we share a friendship. I really wish now that I had not said we could be friends. How can I get out of this without getting my family involved? I do not want them to think that I was in a relationship with this guy and that I lied to them because that is what he said he would say.
Worried
Dear Worried, Even if he did say that you were in a relationship with him, your family should know what you would and would not do. You should be the person they trust, not some guy who just popped up in their lives. Do not allow this guy to blackmail you – for this is what he is doing. If you do, his threats and demands will only get worse.
You need to tell your parents/family now. Do not let another minute go by. Show them this letter if it would help.
If you have his messages saved on your phone, that would be the evidence to show them the type of person he really is, in the event that they doubt you.
If not, you can set up a sting operation involving family members. One of them can answer him using your phone so that they will see the kinds of threats he is making and then confront him and drop him out of your lives.
In future be careful with who you choose as friends.